For some reason, this time of year seems to bring out the grumpy in people. The
day after Thanksgiving, I was up at 4, shopping with all the other crazy people,
and still, I held on to my holiday cheer and my smile. I felt sorry for the
people with scowls on their faces, short-tempered with store clerks, shoppers
and other holiday drivers. They were missing all the fun, the joy in gathering
gifts for loved ones.
However, with each passing day, my "to do" list grew, and I fell more and more
behind. I was soon feeling overwhelmed, drowning actually, in all that needed to
be done. I found myself growing more irritable every day. I knew my face looked
every bit as cranky and negative about the "hustle and bustle" as those I had
been earlier pitying.
My stacks of cards, waiting to be signed and sent, my lists of baking to be
done, the gifts that I could never quite be finished with, all beckoned one very
tired mother. Work got behind, my house suffered the in-between Thanksgiving and
Christmas décor, and soon the Spirit of Christmas was only found in brief
sporadic moments when my heart opened up enough to let it in.
Soon Christmas cards poured in, more than I had ever seen in one year, and
although they made me feel loved, they also reminded me of all that I still had
yet to do.
I plowed through the to-do list, not with my usual enthusiasm and sense of joy,
but with a sense of "hurry up and get it done", something to cross off the list
so I felt like I had accomplished something, anything. I knew my sense of gloom
was stemming from pregnancy, constant fatigue and early contractions, added to
caring for three children, three jobs, a house to run, two holiday time
birthdays in our home…just more than ever to do and less energy to do it with.
But I really wanted to feel the Christmas spirit that I usually did. I wanted
this time to be magical for my children, not for them to feel my stress and let
it ruin such a wonderful time for them.
My nightly prayers quickly became nothing more than a simple plea for me to
overcome this perpetual crankiness, followed by my falling asleep before I even
got to "amen". The knowledge of this too added to my sense of always falling
behind.
Shopping with my youngest son this week brought the simplest solution, one that
had never even occurred to me and yet was the exact healing my spirit needed.
Starting off with my list of Christmas shopping still needing to be finished and
Christmas looming only a few days away, I could feel the rest of the to-do list
still nagging the back of my brain. I left the house without my smile and the
beginnings of grumpy sneaking in already. My little Noah, who has never felt a
bad mood in his life, skipped ahead of me, his energy and love for life apparent
in all that he does.
I headed onto the freeway, and immediately the car in the lane I was merging
into sped up, trying to get past me before I could get on the freeway.
Irritated, I veered to the shoulder, slowing down and waiting for the room to
merge. The car suddenly moved over to the next lane, giving me the room I
needed. Surprised, I glanced over and the driver, and was even more surprised to
see him smile broadly and wave. Belatedly, I smiled back and no one saw it but
Noah, in the backseat.
"Why are you smiling", Noah asked me in sign language. Being deaf, he watches my
face closely at all times.
Embarrassed and mad at myself, I realized how seldom I must be smiling for my
little guy to ask me WHY I am doing it now. I told him I was smiling because he
makes me happy. A tiny white lie, but by now this was the true reason for my
smile.
Next stop was the off-ramp and the mall exit. Always crowded, I knew today would
be worse than normal. I pulled off and waited in the long line to get off the
exit ramp. I happened to glance over the same time the man in the car next to me
happened to glance at me. Instead of the scowl I usually saw on my fellow
drivers' faces, this man shot me a smile, warm and genuine. I instantly felt my
own spread across my face and grinned right back at him. Wow, two complete
strangers in the middle of holiday traffic, being kind and friendly. What do you
know!
I found my smile more at the ready, and myself more willing to pass it on. I was
surprised at how much better it made my day, how it also seemed to changed
others' stressed out holiday faces into cheerful Christmas smiles. Funny how it
works that way. Good or bad, moods have a way of creating the ripple effect.
On the way home from our errands, I caught great big grins in a car load of
ladies' faces. I smiled back and reflected how happy everyone seemed all of a
sudden. Day after day I have been seeing cranky, tired, stressed out people,
trying to catch up with Christmas, myself included and all of a sudden, the
world seems happy, almost joyful. We passed another car and a little girl waved
and smiled, her mother laughing with holiday cheer.
Wondering at this happy epidemic, I happened to glance in my rear view mirror
and catch a glimpse of a red Santa hat, and tiny little waving hand…coming from
my backseat.
Cranking my mirror down lower, I catch the culprit. Noah sat happily, Santa hat,
grin and wave at the ready, passing on Christmas cheer to anyone who would look.
Having that dimpled, truly joyful grin directed at me, I wondered at how I could
ever live a day without bubbling over in gratitude.
Laughing at my little miracle maker, I wondered how many people had been
affected by his smile and contagious grin. How many people found themselves
smiling at their families tonight, or the store clerks and other drivers, all
because the little boy in the Santa hat smiled at them? The power of one wee
little smile can create more change than all the Christmas presents in the
world.
I drove home, resolving to savor this feeling and let Noah's smile stay in my
heart, and hoping I was not the only one whose Christmas smile was found again.
Susan Farr Fahncke editor@2theheart.com
I am mom to Nick, Noah, Maya and a new baby on the way! I am also the founder of
2TheHeart and Angels2TheHeart and write in my "free" time. See more of my
writing and latest projects on my page at 2TheHeart:
http://www.2theheart.com/susan_fahncke
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