2 Cor 11:30 "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness."
May of 1997 is the year my vision changed completely.
My vision has never been good. I was born with strong astigmatism and I was
labeled legally blind when I was 25. I was even dismissed from any military duty
in Belgium because of my poor vision.
This doesn't mean that I can't see anything. It simply means that other than
sleeping and close-up work, I can't do much without my thick glasses! Though my
left eye also requires a heavy prescription, it is actually a lot stronger than
my right "lazy" eye, through which I can hardly see anything. As a result, my
left eye ends up having to do most of the work!
You might say that with a history like this one, I might be used to poor vision!
However, that Tuesday in May, my eye troubles went from bad to worse! I had just
come back from the bank at lunchtime, and as I entered my classroom, something
spider-like in appearance materialized in front of my right eye. And since I can
only see things very close up with this eye, now suddenly, all I saw was this
"spider"! At first I thought something must have fallen into my eye, and I
started rubbing. But it was to no avail. Next, I excused myself and went into
the washroom to look in the mirror. I couldn't see anything that might have
gotten into my eye, but my right eye continued to register that there was a
"spider" right in front of it! All that afternoon I couldn't concentrate on my
teaching. All I could think about was that spider-like object that, without even
asking permission, had lodged itself in my line of vision!
My family doctor couldn't help me, and I soon found myself in the office of an
eye specialist. I couldn't wait to see him! The only thing that I had found that
seemed to "remove" this "spider" was to close my eye; and since I can't go
around all the time with a closed eye, I had bought myself an eye patch that I
could wear under my glasses. I looked like a genuine pirate (without his parrot
and hat of course!). It was ridiculous and I knew it, but because the spider
magically reappeared every time I took it off, I wore it diligently!
Unfortunately, the specialist wasn't much help either. He DID give a name to my
problem, however. He said I had a "floater"!
"A floater! Isn't that some kind of a buoy?" I asked.
Then he explained: A floater is an unwelcome (you can say that again!) Eye
companion that often infiltrates a person's vision during midlife (Could it be
that mid-life crisis's are but the brain's response to floaters?), and, joy
uncontained, it tends to be much worse in people who are legally blind!
But the eye doctor decided to refer me to a specialist in Toronto, and my waning
hope rekindled. Maybe, just maybe the big guys up there would know what to do!
Oh! I couldn't wait to get rid of that bothersome intrusion! I would have done
anything to have it disappear from my life!
In the meantime, I searched the Internet about floaters and found the following
definition: "One or more spots that appear to drift in front of the eye; caused
by a shadow cast on the retina by vitreous debris or separation of the vitreous
humour from the retina. They are of little concern and are common in the aging
process." (Thanks to http://www.medhelp.org/glossary2/new/GLS_1967.HTM )
"Of little concern!" I muttered. "Obviously the one who wrote this had never had
one! "
When I finally arrived in the office of the Toronto specialist, all of my hopes
of ever being free of this thing were dashed: "You will have that floater for
life," he said. "We could perform surgery on your eye, but 90% chances is that
you would become completely blind."
That certainly made MY day! But as there was literally nothing that could be
done, I resigned myself to living with it. And today, 7 years later, I am still
living with it. I don't wear my eye patch anymore, however. The spider no longer
bothers me in the least. Oh, I still notice it when the light is brighter than
usual (This is why you often see me wearing sunglasses!), but what was once a
burden to me has become a blessing.
How can this be? Very simple. My floater reminds me of how dependent I am on
God. It reminds me of my weaknesses, and how often my sins overshadow my vision
of God. It reminds me of the many times I haven't looked at wholesome things,
and of the times I have allowed lust and greed to interfere with my walk with
God. It reminds me that whenever I rely on "me", that's when I fall flat on my
face, burdened with unshakable sin that will pursue me for the rest of my life.
Without God, I am like a huge floater to others, a burdensome ugliness that
tears people down and leads them to discouragement.
In summary? My floater is my constant reminder to rely on God at all times. It
encourages me to have a closer walk with Jesus, and because of all this, it has
become a blessing to me! Praise to God! "For when I am weak, I am strong!" (See
2 Cor 12:10)
Are you letting your weaknesses be a burden to you?
Rob Chaffart
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