Cane Spider
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not
given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (KJV)
Living in the tropics, I've faced my share of creepy critters. I've encountered
centipedes, mice, termites, and roaches galore (even flying ones). I don't like
them, but I can deal with them. What I cannot tolerate are cane spiders. Cane
spiders are not benign web-sitters like the proverbial Charlotte; they are
hunters, moving with frightening speed. They are erratic and unpredictable. Big,
brown, and revoltingly ugly, they lurk in dark places, and I never know when one
will come galloping out at me. A few weeks ago, I was just ready to get into the
shower -- talk about "vulnerable"-- when I saw a suspicious thick brown line
curling out from behind my shampoo bottle. There was no one I could call to
rescue me. With a quick prayer, I took action. Fortunately, hot water kills cane
spiders. It took all my weak nerve, but I managed (oh! Shivers!) To put an end
to it. The idea that I could have reached for the shampoo, and ... I don't even
like to think about it.
I know that my fear is unreasonable, and it was, for a time, practically
paralyzing. Knowing that a cane spider could be ready to jump out of any dark
corner at any time kept me from walking near walls in my house. To open a
cupboard was an action that took on heroic proportions, as I imagined a cane
spider just waiting to leap onto my hand. To close my eyes at night thinking
that a cane spider might be under the pillow made it nearly impossible to relax
enough to sleep. I didn't even want to pray for God to heal me of this phobia
because I knew that to get "cured" of a phobia meant being repeatedly exposed to
the object of one's fear. Finally, I decided that I couldn't live with this
absurd anxiety. I asked God to help me. Soon I noticed a subtle change. Instead
of focusing on loathsome cane spiders, I started focusing on the character of
God and how He loves me. He is kind, good, gentle, patient, understanding, holy,
and wonderful. He knows my frame and loves me as I am. He would never make fun
of my fears. I thought about how He sees where every spider is hiding in my
house. If I encounter one again, I am confident He will give me the grace to
weather the situation. Although I still vehemently hate cane spiders, I am not
allowing my fear to keep me from opening a cupboard or reaching into the back of
my closet. I know the Lord will help me.
There are other areas in my life that are like cane spiders. These could be
overwhelming if I dwelt on "what-ifs": what if my parenting decisions harmed my
little son; what if I offended my friend by sharing my faith with her; what if I
made a big mistake at work? Now, instead of imagining each potentially negative
situation played out to the most dreadful end, I'm finding that the Lord is
reminding me of how I can trust in Him. I know that He will help me with each
scary scenario as it arises, and I don't have to bring tomorrow's fear into
today. Peace is a wonderful thing.
Prayer: Thank You, Lord, for understanding each of us. Thank You that You never
laugh at our weaknesses. Thank You for Your kindness. Thank You that we can
trust You. Amen.
Kathleen Ageton katbabc@hotmail.com
Makawao, Hawaii, USA