After Deliverance Before Deliverance
PERSONAL TESTIMONY
I grew up in
Michigan in a family of 14 children. My parents had 9 boys and 5 girls. We grew
up in the church. When I was in 5th grade I heard the message that Jesus was
knocking on the door of my heart and wanted to come in and would I let Him in?
Yes, I accepted Jesus. I really felt Him come into my heart. Although I had
received Jesus, I didn't understand what the cross was all about because I
hadn't really understood sin. In my early years, I experienced sexual abuse, 3
local teenage boys sexually abused me from the 3rd grade until the 7th grade.
In my teenage years, I began drinking and drugging.
After barely graduating from high school, I shared an apartment with a girl from
high school who introduced me to the night club scene. So we began to frequent
the clubs. The clubs played alternative music which was "new" then and it
attracted some really strange looking people, as well as bisexuals and
homosexuals. Due to my sheltered upbringing, I had really never met anyone gay,
until then. As I continued to go to these clubs, the influence of the people,
and the music, took me on a path that almost cost me my life. I began doing
cocaine with my live-in boyfriend. Somehow in all that mess, I ended up moving
closer to Detroit and that was where my real trouble began. Proverbs 1:10 My
son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
I worked as a nursing assistant at the hospital and
had rented an apartment, away from my live-in boyfriend, due to his alcoholism.
A few months after having my own apartment, I got back together with my
ex-boyfriend. One day, my boyfriend brought our next door neighbors up for a
drink. They were a punk couple about my age. The girl's name was Candi and the
guy’s name was Brent. Candi had a super short hair cut and no eyebrows. She told
me she had shaved them off for a photo shoot. Brent had a pink mohawk and was
talking to my boyfriend about cutting up human cadavers! Candi told me about the
club that she worked at as a female bouncer. It was an underground punk club
that wasn't advertised in the local club paper. I had heard of it before, but
had never been there. She invited me to come and check it out, so I went one
night after work.
I followed the directions which led me to a high rise
hotel in a seedy part of town. The entrance to the club was in the back, I
opened the heavy black iron door, and climbed the stairs. I could hear the thump
of music, the walls and stairs were black and there was barely any lighting. I
came to another door and opened it. I saw a huge man who was wearing makeup and
was all dressed in black, and sitting next to him was my next door neighbor!!!
She was wearing full makeup and looked much different from our first encounter.
I was scared. They were the only two in this little room before entering into
the main club. Their job was to frisk anyone who came in the club, they were
looking for guns, drugs, alcohol or weapons. So she frisked me. Sheepishly I
entered the club, everything was painted black; there were not that many people
there yet because it was too early!!! I went up to the bar and turned around and
noticed a huge mural of the Last Supper. I didn't realize the implication at
all!!! I had no idea that this was a haven for witches and warlocks.
So, as I continued to frequent the club, my looks
changed and so did my heart. I ended up shaving my head bald and piercing my
nose and getting tattoos. All the clothes I wore were black.
During my friendship with Candi, she took me to some
new age bookstores. My mom had always warned us of these bookstores, telling us
that they were of the occult and had forbidden us from ever going into them.
Well, now that I was on my own, I didn't listen. So, whenever I went into these
places, I would sense something strange, but didn't pay attention to the fact
the I was sensing darkness.
Now that my heart had become harder, Candi got me a
job working as a female bouncer in the underground punk club. It was during this
time in my life that I began to experience violence and power. Candi had taken
me under her wing and brought me into the group of people that ran the club.
Fights were part of the scenery there and they were welcomed. Candi was small,
scrappy, and mean. She was used to fighting and somehow never got hit, but did a
lot of damage. She also, had a notable presence about her, and at times I
wondered if it was demonic. This magnetism she had was unlike anything I'd ever
seen or experienced. She had swarms of people around her at all times and they
all seemed to be "in love" with her. I also saw people bow down to her.
Sometimes, she would look at me in the eyes and I would get really confused, my
eyes would water and I would do whatever she asked of me.
Over the course of time, my employment went from a
nursing assistant to stripper. Candi and I danced for money for two years in
Detroit. It was at this time that we became a couple. In our first months
together she mentally and emotionally abused me, weaving a lie that would take
us to Hollywood, California. Her dream was to be rich and famous and convinced
me that it was possible. I believed everything she told me. So we packed up our
things, sold our belongings and moved to California. We took two other people
with us, one was another lesbian, who was to be our body guard and the other was
a straight, Sicilian guy, who had a lot of money.
In 1994, the four of us arrived in Hollywood on a one
way ticket. The shuttle from the airport dropped us off on Hollywood Blvd. And
Labrea Ave. Hollywood Blvd. Is the street where all the stars have their names
on the sidewalk. We had no place to live, no car, no job and no prospects of
anything. So with our 12 suitcases we camped out in a motel for a month.
One night, while still living at the motel, Candi
wanted to go up into West Hollywood to check out the gay scene. West Hollywood
is a gay city. When you drive through the city you can see the gay flag waiving.
The flags are hanging up and down the center of Santa Monica Blvd. There are gay
shops and gay and lesbian bars and clubs. West Hollywood is home to the largest
lesbian club in America.
Candi had an objective in mind and it was to find out
"who was who." So, we left the other two in the motel room and set out for West
Hollywood. We had to walk a few blocks and then catch a bus. I had no idea that
Hollywood was a very dangerous town as we walked off into the night. It was
around 11 pm and chilly, so, we both wore our biker leathers. We were dressed in
all black, both of us were wearing baseball hats and combat boots. (We looked
like two guys.) As we headed toward Santa Monica Blvd., two guys at a pay phone
noticed us, as we passed by them. The guy at the pay phone immediately slammed
down the receiver. Both guys started to walk behind us with intent in their
steps. I knew they were going to do something, and Candi seemed to sense it too.
Our conversation had stopped as we pretended everything was okay. I could feel
my heart pounding so loudly. I grasped the chain that was in my pocket and
thought of slamming one of them in the face, but I was way too scared.
We continued to walk, they continued to pursue us,
about a foot behind us. Then, out of my heart I prayed these words, "Lord,
please help!" As soon as the words left me, a blast of heat came inbetween us
and the two guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt the heat go down the back of my legs.
They turned from following us and veered off into the parking lot. We continued
to walk, I was stunned, not saying a word. Candi broke the silence and asked,
"Did you feel that heat?!!" I exclaimed "YES!!!!!" I told her that I had prayed
and so both of us thanked God. Two radical lesbians walking down the street
thanking God!!!
When we were children my mom taught us this scripture,
“Whosoever calls upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved.” Joel 2:32a She said
we could say Jesus' Name in any kind of dangerous situation and that He would
help us, she was right, God had heard my cry.
Needless to say this didn't cause me to repent because
I had chosen to believe a lie and so I was deceived into thinking I was okay
with God and that I didn't need to repent. In my mind, when God answered that
prayer, I was more convinced than ever that I was on the right path.
Time passed, as we pursued "who is who" in the gay
night life. We ended up meeting women from all walks of life in Hollywood, from
executives to actresses, producers to musicians, even some movie stars. We were
over our heads in "who is who." The night life in Hollywood was much different
from Detroit. Hollywood was a 'movie,' nobody was real, if they hated you, you
never knew it. Acting wasn't just for the movie screen. In Detroit, if they
hated you they told you and you fought about it.
We were in some movies as extras and also on TV as
extras. (Although Candi did end up with a speaking role on 'America's Most
Wanted.' She played a punk, lesbian, heroine addict who had ended up robbing
banks to support her addiction. The strangest part of all, was that we had known
the girl in Detroit and she had attended our going away party!!!!! The show
aired and they caught the girl!!!)
Hollywood had so many 'important' people and yet it
was such a shallow and empty place. I remember wanting to have a real
conversation with someone. I wanted to talk to a real person but everyone had to
have their "image." They couldn't let you see that they were longing for the
same kind of thing too.
One night, while returning home from a club, we walked
from the parking garage into the lobby to take the elevator up to our floor.
Also waiting, was a couple who lived on our floor. One thing I knew about her
was that she was a crack addict. A few moments pass and then, without any
warning, her boyfriend grabs Sophie, our bodyguard, and throws her into the open
elevator and begins to pound her in the face. He is screaming, "Dyke! @$%@$
Dyke!!!@$#%&* Dyke!!!. His girlfriend is screaming "Stop it!!! Stop it!!!!"
Candi jumped into the elevator to help. I was left
outside of the elevator, stunned. Everything had happened so fast. As I watched,
I decided that I needed to help too, so, I dropped my things and put myself
right in the midst of the mess! I got pushed up against the side door and my
elbow hit the button for the basement. The elevator doors closed, the man doing
the punching, punched me in the face twice. It hurt!!! I didn't like this side
of violence! Candi managed to make it through the fight without getting punched.
The elevator descended to the subbasement and we all piled out into a little
room. Nobody was around. The man who had been doing all the punching was the
last one out of the elevator and reaches into his back pocket and looks at me
dead in the eye and says, "I'm going to kill you." He looked at Candi and said,
"I'm going to kill you," he looked at Sophie and said, "I'm going to kill you,"
I knew this guy wasn't kidding. Again I prayed these words, "Lord, please help!"
As soon as the words left my heart, the man extended
his hand to me and said, "I'd like you to accept my apology." I was stunned. We
were all stunned as he continued to hold out his hand to us. Finally, Candi
said, "I'm not shaking your hand!" We all got back into the elevator with this
guy. There was peace as we ascended to our floor. Not a word was spoken on the
ride up. I think we were all still in shock. When we had gotten back into our
apartment, I told them that I had prayed. This answer to prayer still didn't
cause me to repent.
Again, the Lord had answered a small prayer from a
lost girl, little did I know what He was doing until hindsight. He was wooing me
unto Himself, showing me He was Faithful to His Word and to His Name. Jeremiah
31:3 “The Lord hath appeared of old unto me saying, Yea, I have loved thee with
an everlasting Love: therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee.” My
family continued to pray for my salvation.
Another night, after snorting crystal meth, Candi and
I walked from the club to 7-11 to buy cigarettes. There was a man sitting on the
ground outside the door to the store. He had long blonde, filthy hair and very
blue eyes. Candi and I were stunned to see him crying, so we asked him what was
wrong. He was holding a note in his hand from someone (it seemed like it was
from a Christian although I don't remember all that it said) It also had a pin
of an angel attached to it. We sat and talked with him and when I looked into
his eyes, all I could think of was Jesus. It seemed as if Candi was just as
interested in talking with the man as I was. She went in and bought him another
bottle of vodka and then we all sat on the ground around the corner.
I continued to notice that every time
I looked into the man's eyes, I felt like I was looking in Jesus' eyes. It was
strange, his eyes were so gentle and kind and filled with tears. The feeling I
had while being near him was one I have never experienced with a stranger in my
entire life. I never wanted to leave him, I wanted to go where ever he went. And
I remember saying these things in my heart. Then he said some things to me, that
I still wonder about to this day, I guess we had been talking about our
eyebrows, we both had shaved some off and then put black pencil on to make them
higher and more defined. He looked at me and said, "you are going to grow your
eyebrows back." I said, "no I'm not." He said, "yes you are." I said, "no, I can
tell you for a fact that I'm not!" He said, "yes you are." It was such a funny
little thing to go back and forth about but he was certain when he said it to
me, I found it kind of funny. Then, a little more into the conversation he
looked at me and said, "you are going to leave her." This time I didn't argue
with him. I didn't understand why I didn't argue with him on this point. I
wondered at his words. Needless to say, Candi was furious with me for not
answering him.
Some time passed after that encounter, I don't know
how long, maybe a few weeks or a few months. Candi and I were sitting in our
apartment planning on going to the nightclub. Every night of the week we were at
a different club. She was sitting across from me at the kitchen table and said,
"Let's check out this new club tonight," while pointing to the brochure she had.
I said, "No, every time I have gotten one of those brochures I get the worst
feeling." It was a very strong sense that I should not go to that club for some
reason, it was a sense of danger. She said "Well, we owe it to ourselves to
check it out, to at least see who is there." I repeated my plea, "No, listen!
Every time I've gotten one of those brochures I get the worst feeling!!" She
said, "Well, then, let's just sit on the fence about it." Those words triggered
something in me. The only time I had ever heard the term 'sit on the fence' was
in church. They would always say, "Don't sit on the fence, you are either hot
for Jesus or cold, but not lukewarm!"
So, as the words she said, penetrated
my heart, something took place. I was sitting in my chair, and I sensed a
presence enter the room. It was as if it was coming right for me. It was a
strong presence unlike anything I had ever felt or experienced in my life. I was
so scared. My heart began to pound as I said to Candi, "Do you feel that?" She
said, "Feel what?" I turned toward the direction of where I felt it and held out
my hand as if to stop it from coming toward me. My breathing was getting
stronger and faster as I said to Candi, "You don't feel that?" She said, "Oh
yeah (mockingly) I do feel it, it's warm." What I had felt was cold and I knew
from that moment on I couldn't trust her. (Took me long enough!) I held out my
hand toward it and began to say loudly, with everything in me, "In the Name of
Jesus!!!!!! In the Name of Jesus!!!!!!! In the Name of Jesus!!!!!!" Candi got up
from the table and put on her leather and said, "I'm outta here" and left! I got
up from the table and prayed this prayer, "Lord, I don't know what You want, but
I'm asking You to help me."
As soon as I prayed, another presence came into the
room, this one was different from the first. This was an urgent, prompting and I
heard in my heart, "Let's go!!! Let's go!!!!" It was an urgent plea, so I
gathered myself and grabbed my hat and leather and went out the door. I walked
down 3 flights of stairs out into the night. It was a Saturday night in
Hollywood and the town was jumping. Just up the street was Hollywood Blvd. With
cars full of gang members bumper to bumper. I was out in front of my apartment
and prayed to the Lord, "Okay Lord, which way do You want me to go?" I wasn't
sure what I was doing outside. Then, I felt a leading to turn toward the right,
so, I walked up the hill to the corner and prayed the same prayer. Each time I
would pray, I would get impressed to go in a certain direction. I realized I was
really being led by the Lord. So I end up coming to an onramp onto the 101
freeway.
I stood at the entrance to the highway and said,
"Which way do You want me to go?" Nothing, I didn't feel impressed to do
anything, I turned and looked behind me and noticed a slope that went down into
a dark ravine. The ravine was filled with bushes and trees and I turned around
from it and thought to myself, “I don't want to go down there, there is probably
someone sleeping down there.” So, I stood where I was for a minute or so, and
then started to doubt it all. I started thinking that I was going crazy and that
I had imagined it all. That is when I heard this, (in my spirit) "Brooke, Fear
not, for I Am the Lord your God," I was now turned facing the slope. "Though you
may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you shall fear no evil for
My rod and My staff will comfort you."
There was a tiny little path that had led down the ivy
filled slope, and I slowly inched my way down the slope. As I looked around, I
realized that I wasn't scared. I also noticed that no one could see me down here
either, so I just stood there not moving. Then, a gentle breeze blew by me. I
thought of the Lord. Then I heard this, "Love is the most powerful Source in the
universe." I was in awe of the words because I knew that my own mind would never
conceive of thinking that way, it just wasn't the way I thought. My eyes focused
on a tiny little tree about 15 feet away and I heard the words again, "Love is
the most powerful Source in the universe." I had a yearning in me to be near the
tree that my eyes were fixed on, so I managed my way to the tree. Once I was
under the tree, I heard the words again, "Love is the most powerful Source in
the universe."
I took one of the leaves from the tree
in my hand and noticed that it was shaped like a heart, in fact every leaf on
the tree was shaped as a heart!!!!! I began to weep. I said to the Lord,
"Okay....Love is the most powerful Source in the universe....what about Candi?"
I heard a very loud,"NO!!!!" Just then, I felt like there was somebody down in
the ravine with me, it hadn't felt that way before. It was as if a man was
standing behind me. I was paralyzed with fear. I tried to turn around to see if
someone was behind me but I couldn't even turn my head to look because I was so
scared. In my mind’s eye, it seemed like a man with a knife getting ready to
stab me. My head was swirling and my mind was confused. An overwhelming
temptation came to run out of there as fast as I could. I felt like I was going
to lose my mind. And that is when I came to my fork in the road. I had to decide
who I was going to live for: Candi or Jesus. It took everything within me to
choose and I chose with all of my heart and all of my soul and said,
"Nnnnnnnoooooooooo.....Love is the most powerful Source in the universe, Love is
the most powerful Source in the universe, Love is the most powerful Source in
the universe." The presence left. I had made my decision to follow Jesus.
After my experience at the tree, I went back to my
apartment to find Candi standing at the place in our apartment that had many
occult artifacts, it was also known as the altar. She was burning incense and
wearing my necklace. The incense was pouring out into the hallway. She saw me as
I sat down at the top of the stairs, not really knowing what the next step was,
all I knew is that I had had a conversation with God. I knew I had to leave but
I didn't know how and the strange part was, I wanted to leave. I had never
before wanted to leave her, she had been my life. So she came out into the
hallway and is asking me where I'd been. I wouldn't talk to her and I refused to
come in. She was very attentive to me and sat down in the hallway trying to
persuade me to come in. I refused for a while but became so tired I consented,
however, I slept out in the living room.
Candi sat next to me furiously writing a note to me. I
would doze off and wake up with a startle and there she sat, writing. I tried to
ignore everything she said because I didn't trust her anymore.
The next morning, I packed a suitcase and she drove me
to the airport and I tried to leave her. The problem was I had no money and
didn't even know my parents phone # because they had moved from Michigan to
South Carolina. So, I ended up going back home with her. There was a definite
break between us and we both knew it but she continued to pursue me. I soon
began refusing to go to the clubs with her, which infuriated her because we were
known as a team and she never liked to do anything alone.
One night, Candi and I went to the grocery store about
2 in the morning, we liked to shop at night, in fact it seemed like everything
we did was at night! So we had finished shopping and came out of store and there
was a group of Mexican guys standing around. They worked at the store. Candi
walked over to them. She spoke to them in such a low tone I couldn't hear her
although I was standing right there. The guys she spoke to, looked at me while
she was speaking. I felt very uncomfortable and didn't understand what was
happening. As soon as we turn toward the parking lot we encounter a street guy
with a “story.” It was often we would encounter street people with a story of
this or that and so we would just give them some change or tell them we didn't
have any and walk on, but tonight was different. This man was noticeably faking
an accent. He said he needed a ride to the bus station to get a suitcase out of
a locker. Then he pulled out a wad of money and flips through the bills. (Seems
to me if he had money like that why was he asking us for a ride.) I was planning
on going right on past him as we usually did but Candi engaged him in
conversation.
The man said "You must be a
Christian." I immediately blurted out, "Yes, how did you know?" He said, "Cause
if you weren't you wouldn't have listened to my story." Then he pulled out a
small piece of paper with this on it, d-o-n b-r-o (my last name starts d-o-n and
my first name starts b-r-o) I was getting scared. He said, "I'm looking for the
don brown motel." We both told him we hadn't heard of it. Then Candi tells me to
go take the groceries to the car. I was stunned as to why she would tell me to
do that. She never sent me away alone or ever engaged strangers in conversation,
she was very street smart. She was going to help this guy look for the motel in
the yellow pages. So, I took the grocery cart to the dark parking lot, my heart
was pounding because I felt like she was up to something, none of it made any
sense. After getting to the car, I glanced over at them and they were looking
down at the yellow pages. I noticed that she was speaking to him about something
and gesturing with her hand. This went on for a while, so I pulled the car up to
the curb and she was still looking down at the yellow pages with this guy and
still talking and gesturing with her hand.
I was very afraid while I sat and waited in the car.
All I could do in my mind was repeat the Words, "Love is the Most Powerful
Source in the universe." Candi had told me once about her Dad being one of seven
sons of a Sicilian family. She had told me that her Dad’s brothers were in the
Mafia. She had told me the story of how she had met her Dad’s brothers for the
first time at his funeral. They hadn't known about her because her Dad had never
divorced his first wife but had faked a wedding to her Mom by having a cousin
pose as a minister. So up until the day of the funeral, the brothers never knew
of Candi, but when they met her they couldn't deny the family resemblance. She
told me that they pulled her aside at the funeral and told her that they
couldn't deny she was his daughter and said that if there was ever anything she
ever needed or wanted all she had to do was let them know.
The street guy and Candi walked over
to the car. She got into the front passenger side and he walked around the car
and started to open the passenger door behind me! Then Candi states, "Oh, he's
coming with us." I said very sternly, "Oh no he's not!!!!!!" So he is standing
there with the door half open, waiting for her to tell him what to do. I said,
"There is no way we are driving this guy anywhere!" So she says, "Sorry man."
The man shuts the door and we go home. When we got home, I told Brent (Candi's
ex-boyfriend who was still in her life). He says to me, "Why didn't you let the
guy go with you?" I couldn't believe my ears!!! Brent and Candi were the most
street smart people I knew. They were always so cautious of people and taught
me, "Trust no one!!!" And now, both of them were being exactly opposite of their
normal character. I had known them both for about six years now and I knew
something was wrong with the way they were behaving. I was really scared and
felt very alone.
A few nights later, the phone rang, I answered it and
Brent asked for Candi and also asked if we were coming by later that evening. I
told him we were. Then he said, "Watch out for the Mexicans." I said, "What?" He
repeated himself, "Watch out for the Mexicans." "What is that supposed to mean?"
I asked. He wouldn't answer me but said, "Put Candi on the phone." So I did.
That night, on our way to his house, we came to the stop sign near our apartment
and about 15 Mexican guys surround the car they were yelling and touching the
car. I turned the corner and came to the next stop sign and again the car was
surrounded with young Mexican guys yelling waving their arms at me. I had no
idea what was going on and so Candi yells at me to go, so I stepped on the gas
and pulled out into traffic. I was stunned. All that went through my mind was
how Brent had told me to watch out for the Mexicans. I was very scared and I
didn't trust Candi or Brent. But Candi still pretended to be with me but I could
sense clearly she was against me, I would notice her talking quietly with Brent
and others and when I came around she would stop talking. She had never done
this to me before. I felt very alone and very scared. A few days later, as this
battle continued, Candi and I went for a drive to Malibu. She was really making
an effort to win me back and I was becoming confused.
We pulled over to buy some cigarettes. She went into
the store, as I waited. I looked over to my left and saw an older black man. He
looked homeless. He came up to the car and started to spray the windshield and
wipe it with a newspaper. I wouldn't have minded if he had asked me to do that,
but he didn't, so I was infuriated!!! I sat watching him while he smudged my
windshield, then he went to the other side of the front windshield and smudged
it some more. Then he came around to my side again to receive his payment!!! I
wasn't pleased but didn't want any trouble, so, I cracked the window and gave
him a few coins. Candi opened the passenger door and got in. Just then, the man
looked right at me and pointed, and said with a stern voice, "You know what you
need to be doing!" The words hit my heart like a knife and pierced it, and
immediately, Candi snarls, "Don't listen to him!!!" Wow!!!!! I was absolutely
amazed!!!!! Here is this perfect stranger who says one thing to me, and her
reaction to his words showed me that the Lord had spoken through that stranger
and that the devil was speaking through her. It was his voice through her
commanding me not to listen to the Voice of the Lord!!!!! I knew from that
moment on I had to get out and get out soon!!! Hebrews 4:12 For the Word of God
is Living, and Powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to
the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a
discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
The rest of that day didn't go well between us because
my heart had heard the Lord and I wanted to obey Him. It was either the next day
or day after that I made my decision to call home. I sat in front of the phone,
nervous and wringing my hands. What was I going to say?? My parents had taken a
stand against the way I lived and we didn't have much of a relationship, yet, I
knew I could call and they would help me. So when Candi was out, I picked up the
phone. My mom answered. "Mom?" I said. "Can I come home?" "Sure, how long do you
want to stay?" She asked. "No, Mom, I mean can I come home? I think my life is
in danger." Immediately my mom knew she had to act quickly. A few years earlier
my mom and dad had received a word of knowledge concerning me and it was this,
"If Brooke tells you she wants out, you need to act immediately!!!" So my mom
had remembered this and proceeded to call all of her praying friends.
"Pray!!!!... Brooke is coming home!!!" So the Body of Christ began to pray for
me. Then my dad called my brother in California who lived two hours from me, he
explained the danger and my brother willingly accepted the challenge to drive
into Hollywood. He brought with him an ex-police officer, who was carrying a
gun, my sister Rachel and her fiancé, Tim. My sister and her fiancé were pulled
out of Calvary Chapel Bible College, in Twin Peaks to come along for the journey
into Hollywood. Rachel had gotten her whole school to pray for me months
earlier. So my mom calls me back and tells me that my brother and sister and two
others were coming.
I frantically began to pack. In my room, lying next to
my bed, was an illegal, loaded, assault rifle. Brent had given it to us for
protection, but now I was very aware of it. That morning, for the first time in
our relationship, Candi had been violent toward me. All my suitcases were in the
living room when Candi walked in. "Where do you think you are going?" I had
determined not to say a word to her. "Who is coming to pick you up?" She asked.
"You aren't taking the car anywhere" she stated with authority. I just stayed
quiet. I was scared but calm. The phone rang, I ran to it and quickly answered
it. My brother was on our street. (It had been a few hours since I had called my
mom.) He and my sister were going to remain in the Bronco because Candi knew
what they looked like. So I buzzed the ex-police officer and my sister’s fiancé
Tim, into the building and they knocked at the door. As soon as I opened it, I
began handing them suitcases. They took them quickly (it was amazing that two
men I had never met before risked their lives for me). Candi was demanding, "Who
are you? Then she asked me, "Who are these people?" She had been taken off
guard. It had all happened so quickly she didn't have time to do much. I got out
safely and into the Bronco and she walked out with something in her hand. It was
a statue of Baby Jesus that I had wanted to give to my Mom but never did, she
threw it into my open window and said, "Don't forget to take this!!" That was
the last time I ever saw her.
I was so very fragile and broken. I had been in such
deep darkness for so long, that coming into the Light was a slow and delicate
process. My life had been directed by a woman who had delved into witchcraft and
had read the satan bible. I had been her prisoner. But now, for the first time,
I had been released from the prison of my sinful life, and I was brought into
the Light. It took time to heal and allow the Lord to restore what the enemy had
destroyed. Colossians 1:12-14: Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us
fit to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in Light: Who hath
delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the Kingdom
of His dear Son: In Whom, we have been set free through His Blood, even the
forgiveness of sins.
A few weeks after being in South Carolina, I was
reading the Bible but wasn't able to understand it. I read this scripture, “Then
said Jesus unto His disciples, ‘If any man will come after Me, let him deny
himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.’” Matthew 16:24 I actually
thought that I had to literally pick up a cross. Which I did! I hadn't wanted to
do it but because I didn't understand what it was really saying, I figured I had
to do it. So I made a cross out of my sister’s walking sticks and carried it on
my back down the street of the small town that I had just come to. Needless to
say, a neighbor called the police and I was then arrested and taken to the
police station. At the police station they questioned me regarding my name, but
because the scripture said, deny yourself, I wouldn't tell them my name. So they
took me to be evaluated and then put me in the state mental institution (for two
weeks). I was put in the worst wing and with the help of the Lord made it
through those tough days. I was so new to everything and just out of a world of
great darkness that I trusted no one. When I read the Bible, all I would read
was the red words that Jesus spoke. I didn't trust anything else. Isaiah 42:3: A
bruised reed shall He not break, and the smoking flax shall He not quench: He
shall bring forth judgment and truth.
A few months later, after daily continuance in the
Word of God, I went to a women's Aglow meeting. The woman that spoke asked if
anyone would like prayer for anything. I thought, “Sure I could use some prayer”
so, I walked up to the front (I was the only one) and the speaker came toward me
with her hands outstretched, she hugged me and began praying in the Spirit. I
began to cry, then I began to weep, then I began to wail. She was still hugging
me and wouldn't let me go, all I wanted to do was hold onto my stomach because
it hurt so much from the pain. The only thing I could do was wail. Every breath
coming out of me was an agonizing wail. All the pain of the years of sexual
abuse, and the betrayal of the one I thought had loved me. It all came out that
evening in that little town in South Carolina. All the ladies gathered around me
praying in the Spirit and waiting for the Lord to finish the work He was doing
inside of me. It was around 1/2 hour and I was in so much pain all I could do
was hold my stomach and cry very loudly. Inside of myself, I was crying out to
Jesus, knowing He was the Only One Who could get me out of the pain I was in,
then, I felt something leave my body. It was as if Candi had left my body. (That
is the only way I can describe it.) Something left me!!!! And in its place was a
great peace. I have never been the same since. John 8:36: If the Son therefore
shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
Jesus set me free from idolatry, homosexuality,
witchcraft, drugs, alcohol. Never to return again. I also am not on medicine
anymore, for depression. Jesus my Lord, has paid the price for my freedom and He
has gently and faithfully healed my broken heart. Through His Word and
forgiveness, He has enabled me to forgive those who have wounded me. Matthew
6:14-15: If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will
forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, you Father will not forgive
your sins.
Coming to the cross of Jesus Christ has been the
ultimate factor of my change of life. At the cross, I died with Him. My sin was
put upon Him. He has forgiven me and He has taken my punishment. When God raised
Jesus up, the new Brooke was given new life!!!! I asked God to give me His Holy
Spirit. He has baptized me with His Spirit and has enabled me to understand His
Word. His Holy Spirit continues to give me courage so that I am able to share
Jesus with people. I want to share His Love with the world!!! No one is too far
gone for His Tender Mercy. Will you pray for Candi and Brent to come to know
Jesus? It has now been 9 years (in May 2005) since the Lord brought me unto
Himself.
My hope and desire is that others would come to know
His Love, His Power, and His deliverance from strongholds of sin. HE IS THE ONE
WHO SETS PEOPLE FREE!!!!!!
Praise the Name of the Lord Jesus!!!!!!!!!
This story that the Lord has given me is a story that
could happen in your life or a life of someone you know who needs God's
forgiveness. God doesn't have any favorites, His heart is that all men would
come to know His Love. You may have read this story and maybe you have never
given your heart and life to Jesus. Maybe you have experienced some of the same
pain that I have. If you would like Jesus to fill your heart and life you can
pray this prayer, and He will. The secret to the effectiveness of this prayer is
that you pray it with all of your heart.
"Father, thank You for sending Jesus to earth to
become human. Thank You Jesus, for Your willingness to come to earth even though
You knew that men would reject You and kill You. Thank You, for giving all that
You are for me. Thank You for laying down Your Life on the cross for me, a
sinner. Thank You, Father, for raising up Jesus from the dead. Father, I have
sinned against You and against others, I have gone my own way. But now, Father
God, I lay my life down at Your feet. I ask that You would take my broken heart
and life and give me a brand new one. I ask that You would forgive me for
sinning against You and wash all of my sins away with Your Blood that You shed.
I ask that You would come and live inside of Me. You are welcome in my heart. I
ask Lord, that You would give me strength to lay down the sins that I have held
onto. I believe that You, Jesus, are the Lord and I surrender my all to you.
Thank You for Your Life in exchange for mine. In Jesus' Name, Amen."
If you prayed this prayer, you are now one of God's
children!!!!! Praise the Lord!!!! The Bible says that the angels rejoice in
heaven over one sinner that repents. There are a few important things you need
to do now.
1. Tell someone that you believe in Jesus.
2. Ask the Lord to put you in the right church. (You
want one that teaches from the Bible.)
3. Get a Bible that you can read and understand and
find a Bible study group. You want to surround yourself with other believers who
will encourage you as well as hold you accountable.
4. When you begin to read your Bible, look for the
Character of God as you read....remember you have just begun the most awesome
relationship of your life!!!!
Here is a personal note: I began reading the Bible in
the book of John.
Brooke
Please feel free to email me. Jesus4givessin@aol.com
The Illustrator: This daily newsletter is dedicated to encouraging
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