Breathing - how often I took it for granted when I was young. Sure, I had
frequent colds and wheezing breaths, but I never knew that I had asthma. At the
age of forty-four I had my first life threatening asthma attack. I resisted
being put on prednisone, because I didn’t want to gain weight. I just would not
believe that I could die. I was revived on the floor of my physician’s office
with four alarmed doctors hovering over me. It took four shots of prednisone to
save my life and three weeks of high doses of oral prednisone. I don’t know
which was worse, almost dying or the lingering weeks of recovery.
In the last fifteen years I have discovered just how precious I am, especially
to my family. I have been blessed with the devotion of my daughters, as they
keep their vigilant watch over me when I am desperately ill. They have shared
their thoughts and dreams with me and have made me laugh and cry. I have
realized just how possible is the impossible when one has the faith to strive,
to endure, and to love. How precious is that love.
I have seen both my husband and daughters exhaust themselves creating walled
gardens, hauling dirt and mulch, planting trees and shrubs and flowers, so that
my eyes can behold loveliness through my window. I cannot decide which is more
stunning, the brilliant shades of my roses and lilies or their loving efforts.
You see, my asthma has taught me about how extraordinary and rare true beauty
is.
My asthma has given me something else very precious. It has given me time. Time
- the one rare ingredient that the rest of the world can’t seem to find. If only
there were more hours to the day; days to the week; weeks to the year, then
there would be enough time. The more hurried the world becomes, the less time it
can capture. I am blessed. I have plenty of time. I can walk slow on the good
days, and I can see more of what I missed when I didn’t take the time in my
youth. I can write the things that are nearest and dearest to my heart.
The most remarkable gift I have received, however, is an inner peace. I no
longer rush through the good things in life. I seize the opportunity to watch
the blazing sunset from beginning to end. I meet the rosy dawn in the mountains
where I live, with a song in my heart as the sun chases away the ribbons of the
night. I am thankful for every breath, knowing that my Creator holds each one in
His hand. I marvel at the love within my husband’s eyes when he looks at me,
knowing that he has never gazed upon anyone so lovely.
There are new treatments for asthma, and I am on an aggressive regimen. In 1994
my pulmonologist promised me that within ten years there would be new drugs
approved that would be nothing short of miraculous. I didn’t believe her, yet it
has become a reality for me. My serious asthma attacks are now fewer and farther
apart. Thankfully they are shorter and less life threatening. I make certain to
keep up with the latest treatments, and I keep a good working relationship with
my doctor, based on mutual respect and trust.
At fifty-nine I am in charge of my asthma, instead of my asthma being in charge
of me. Asthma has given me many things. It has given me strength and
determination, so that I will never let it conquer my spirit. I am thankful for
each new day. I have faith. I have hope. I have love. I am precious. Life is
beautiful, because I’m breathing!
Jaye Lewis
Jaye Lewis is a born again Christian who lives and writes in the beautiful
mountains of Virginia, USA. Her story, I'm Breathing, has been selected to
appear in the new Chicken Soup for the Soul Healthy Living: Asthma, which will
be published in 2006. Although many of Jaye's stories are award winning, her
greatest blessing is her relationship with God, and her wonderful family. Jaye
and her husband have been married nearly twenty-five years; yet their love is
still new. Visit Jaye's website at
www.entertainingangels.org and email her at
jayelewis@comcast.net
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