Earlier this summer, our daughters sent us on a three-night cruise to the
Bahamas for our 30th wedding anniversary. We had a wonderful time, but an
experience the second night of our trip revealed a lot about human
relationships.
We were in our stateroom when we couldn't help but overhear loud arguing from
the cabin next to ours. It made us heartsick to be in that romantic fantasy
environment of ships and islands and waiters who catered to our every whim, and
then to hear the couple next door experiencing a major blow up. It went on for
about 20 minutes until a door finally slammed, and one partner walked out. (I
know, this sounds like a bad reality TV show: hmm, the title of the column could
even be a name for it!)
I noticed then the next day other signs (among other passengers) of human
relationships and goodwill wearing thin. This is pretty normal on most vacations
or any time human beings are thrown together in an atypical environment for 24
hours a day and are expected to always get along. A mother on the beach on the
island where we went the second day was berating her only child (at least he was
the only one on the trip) about something. He was an adolescent of about 12 and
looked mortified. I thought she deserved any silent treatment or rebellion he
might later exhibit, if that was how she usually treated her son. Later, I
noticed she had softened and mellowed out. But again, I thought it was a sign of
"too much togetherness."
Extended families and friends who were traveling together on the cruise could be
heard discussing daily plans, such as where to go and where to meet at what
time. While I like vacationing with extended family, the discussions about "what
are we going to do today and who wants to do this and who wants to do that and
who will do the 'tamer' activities with elderly grandparents or babies" aren't
much fun to negotiate through.
It helps if we remember that all of this is an entirely normal response to even
the best of circumstances. People are different and they have different speeds
at which they like to go through museums, traverse through amusement parks (my
long legged daughter had a very good friend hit her one time to slow her down
when at Busch Gardens Amusement Park in middle school), or different needs for
downtime or aloneness.
My classic "bad" line from the very first vacation my husband and I took
together, our honeymoon, was a badly timed bid for recognizing these different
needs. On our nine-hour drive to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, I cautioned my
new husband that "I don't know how I will be spending 24 hours a day with a
person, and sometimes I like to be alone." He was stunned. He thought I was
ready for a divorce. It is a wonder our marriage survived the honeymoon, let
alone 30 years! To his credit, he recovered from the hit and gamely looked out
for signs of "my needing space."
It helps to be able to laugh at situations we find ourselves in on vacation or
anywhere, and to head into a trip or time away knowing that it is very likely
that something will go wrong. Normally I try not to be a pessimistic person, but
expecting something to go awry helps me deal with the punches and remain
flexible. These days, a plane is going to be late. You can count on it. The
train will lag behind by about three hours, so plan on it. Gas will be high, so
figure that in your budget. And eat two meals you'd normally eat out as picnics,
and you'll about pay for your gas. The humidity will be too high, the air will
be too dry (and you can't sleep), you'll get a cold on the airplane, someone
will get diarrhea, poison ivy, have a flat tire, and you can usually just be
happy if you get back without a wreck.
For the record, on our 30th anniversary trip, the plane was delayed 1.3 hours
and we never got to our motel 'til 2 a.m. the first night; we were an hour late
getting to the ship via shuttle bus from the airport due to a terrible 24-car
pile up on the Interstate (but had allowed plenty of time so everything turned
out ok for us, but not the unfortunate people in the wreck); I got something in
my eye and had to visit the ship's infirmary as we were disembarking (they never
did get around to helping me and I went the rest of the day with a red,
mattering eye); and we missed a patch of Stuart's chest with sunscreen and he
was horribly burned.
But, we still had a wonderful time. And I do hope you had a great summer and
happy travels if you went anywhere! On the best of vacations we reconnect with
our inner selves, each other, and the God of the universe.
Contributed by Melodie Davis:
MelodieD@MennoMedia.org Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a
syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
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