I have a vivid memory of two back-to-back nights in Chicago. One evening I met
with a good friend who informed me she was leaving her husband, also a close
friend. "He doesn't meet my needs," she said. "I know he tries to be a good
husband and good father, but I've found someone better. I'm leaving him." After
listening to her, I talked about the difficulties all marriages face and
reminded her of her husband's good qualities and all that she would be losing.
She agreed with everything I said but had already made up her mind. I left that
meal with a heavy heart, knowing my wife and I had lost one of our best couple
friendships.
The very next night I attended a celebration organized by a young widow whose
husband had died of brain cancer. On the night that would have been Chuck's
thirty-second birthday, she was holding a party in his memory. I knew the agony
they had been through during his surgery and prolonged treatment. Lynn now faced
the double burden of paying off medical bills and supporting two children as a
single mother. Still reeling from the news of my friend's impending divorce, I
went to Lynn's house with a sense of foreboding.
I heard not a word of complaint or regret that night. Lynn passed around photos
and had each of us call up memories of her husband. We laughed, and cried, and
Lynn pulled out a guitar and sang some of his favorite songs. She talked about
the good times they had shared together, his corny jokes, the cartoons he drew,
the intimacy of walking together through the progression of his illness. "I will
always miss him," she said, "but I'll always be grateful for the exciting few
years we shared together. Chuck was a gift to me:"
On consecutive nights I saw a stark difference in two approaches to life. One
resents loss and wants more. One celebrates life as a gift, something to
remember with gratitude. I ask God for that spirit regardless of my
circumstances.
Yancey, Philip. Prayer, Does it Make Any Difference? Grand Rapids:
Zondervan, 2006, p. 276-278.
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