Here's a question for you: Do you learn more from
a person by doing what they say, or by doing what they do?
In some cases, you probably learn by doing what someone suggests. Especially if
you are not around that person to know how they, themselves, deal with
situations. But what about when you do see how that person reacts? What about
when you see that he (or she) doesn't practice he (or she) preaches? What then?
Do his suggestions hold any weight if you don't see the fruit of them in his own
life?
I am a voice therapist. I help teachers who have lost their voices get back on
the job, I help people who are chronically hoarse be able to speak clearly
again, and I help singers maintain their beautiful voices. In order to do so, I
make several requirements of my clients. To name a few of the simple ones, I
require them to drink plenty of water, to avoid caffeine, and to cut back on how
much they talk. I even tell them that it is possible for them to stop clearing
their throats altogether. What would happen if a client caught me buying a cup
of coffee or clearing my throat? My client would get the message that an
occasional coffee is "okay" and that it really isn't possible to stop throat
clearing; and I would have a very difficult time getting them to comply to my
suggestions! When I practice what I preach however, not only do my suggestions
gain credibility in the eyes of my clients, but I am able to teach them from
personal experience.
Now it may be true that some of you may have learned to take suggestions at face
value; but I would suggest that children, especially teens, have not. If they
see you react differently than how you tell them to react, then your words will
hold no weight whatsoever.
I can't tell you how many times I've sat back to analyze a particular negative
trait or behavior that I can't seem to correct in my boys, only to see that same
negative trait in myself! Take, for example, the problem of one child yelling at
another. I lose my cool once in awhile, and I yell to one of them for doing
something they aren't supposed to do; yet I punish them for yelling at each
other. When I sit down and analyze it, however, I realize that the only thing I
am teaching them is that you are only supposed to keep your cool when your
parents are around; but when you are the one in charge, when you are the one
making the rules, it's okay to yell!
And what about that guy that just about pushed you off the road? The one who
just about caused an accident? He deserved to be yelled at, didn't he? Otherwise
he might succeed in causing an accident next time! But wait. There are ears in
the backseat, ears that listen intently. How can you expect them to deal with
people who irritate them in a Christlike manner when they don't see that in you?
We, as parents, can preach a good sermon. But unless we're prepared to practice
what we preach, all of our words are in vain! Is it any wonder that the Apostle
Paul admonishes us to be a good example? "In everything set them an example by
doing what is good." (Titus 2:7)
The same applies to having a personal relationship with Christ. I cannot
encourage my children to actively pursue this if I do not actively pursue it
myself. I cannot show them how to do so if I, myself, haven't learned how. I
cannot ask them to act the way Jesus would act if I don't act that way myself!
I'd like to propose that if you want to bring up your kids God's way, you have
to learn to be an excellent example yourself! You must model the behavior you
want to see in your child, and that means that in order to bring them up to have
a personal relationship with Christ, you must have one yourself! That means that
in order to teach them to respond to trouble by handing it over to the Lord,
then you must make a regular habit of handing your problems over to the Lord!
That means that in order to teach them to love others unconditionally, to be
unselfish and giving, to go out of their way to help others, you, yourself, must
make it a habit of doing the same!
Whoa. That's a pretty big responsibility! How can I ever . . .
You're right. YOU can't. Only with Christ are ALL things possible: "I can do
everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:13).
The best thing to do if you wish to encourage the child in your life to develop
a personal relationship with Jesus is to work on your own. Take time everyday in
Bible study and prayer. Open your heart to God's Spirit. Ask God to open your
Spiritual ears and eyes. Talk your problems over with Him. Ask Him to reveal to
you the areas of your life where you are not a good example, and then, when He's
done that (and He'll only reveal things in manageable portions!), ask Him to
help you to be more Christ-like in these areas of your life!
Enough to ponder, but do ponder this: If you want to encourage your kids to have
a personal relationship with Christ, if you want them to react to situations in
a Christ-like manner, then you must be their example!
God bless each of you abundantly as you seek to guide the kids in your life in
the ways of the Lord!
Lyn Chaffart
P. S. If you need some help with your own relationship with God, please email
me! Maybe I can help:
helpmelearnaboutjesus@gmail.com
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