My Father Knows Best

There I was sixty years of age (my husband fifty-eight) with two adopted daughters, ages 11 and 14; which we had since they were babies. I had one grown, married daughter with three children of her own and my husband had three grown daughters and one grown son with 13 children between them.

Our lives were full and very busy and here was Social Services, on the phone, asking if we wanted to adopt one of two sisters that we had fostered for a period of time. One we had, lacking three weeks of being a year; and we did not want to let her go. Her sister we had for six months and due to behavioral problems that we weren't equipped to deal with, we asked for her to be removed where she could get the special help she needed.

When we went to talk about adopting the younger child, the lady who had taken the older sibling said she wanted both for she thought they belonged together. Which I agree that siblings belong together, as-long-as it is in their best interest.

No one even thought about the original reason of why we separated the girls to start with.

All of this was running through my head when the Holy Spirit came over me, (it is such a wonderful feeling when that happens, one that you wish would never stop) and said ... "let her go"; ("We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor 5:7-8 NIV) It was not easy to let go of a child that you have loved and cared for, for almost a year .... but my Father knows best.

I wished the woman well and told her that she did not know what she was letting herself in for. You see, she was a retired RN from the army (but worked at a local hosp. In the ER) and had never had children. She was used to a very structured life. Oh my, was she ever in for it!

I prayed every night that God would look after these two girls and His' will be done, not mine. I totally let it go, turning it over to the Lord; after all ... my Father knows best.

Now here it was, just four weeks later and Social Services was begging me to take the younger sister back. It seems that the woman who took them, could not control them. The girls fought, screamed and carried on and wouldn't listen to her at all. Finally one day, it got to be too much for her, and she hauled off and slapped them both across the face. Those of us who have raised children know how much they can get under your skin. So I imagine for someone who had never, really, been around children, then to take in two troubled ones ...it must have been really hard for her. ("Judge not, that you be not judged." Matt 7:1-2 NKJV)

I'm thinking do I need this? My plate is full, I work and I have two pre-teen daughters who take up a great deal of my time. We had just gotten our home back to the way it was before we took in the two younger girls. The two we had already adopted no longer had to share a room, they could go back to having their own space. So I told DSS that I would not be able to do it.

Later that same night, the Guardian ad Litem (she is the one who advocates for the rights of the children in her charge) called and asked me basically the same question; except she asked me to take both of the girls back. I also told her no, that I was not willing to do that. As a family we discussed it and prayed about it. I also called my Sunday school teacher and she and I prayed for an answer. Then we went on to our church where we were holding revival; it was the first night and we did not want to miss any of it. I asked others, at church, to pray for these girls and that we had made the right decision.

The next night DSS called me once more and asked if I would change my mind and take the younger girl back. I was getting ready to tell her that we had decided the night before to take her back, when the Holy Spirit came over me (If you have never felt this calm, peaceful feeling ...don't worry, someday it will be like that for an eternity) and said, "don't take one, without the other." I told the head social worker that I wanted both of the girls. She tried to talk me out of it, knowing the problems that we had before with the older one. I told her right then and there, that God had told me not to take one without the other. That I had never said no to God and I was not about to start telling Him no now.

(Matt 25:40 I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.)

I picked them up the next night on the way back to our second night of revival. The youngest child, when she saw me, started laughing and crying all at the same time. The older one was crying and said she was scared to death not knowing where she was going. She thought we would not take her back. If I live to be a thousand years old, I will never forget that pitiful look on her face; oh, how my Father knows best.

I told you all of that, to tell you this. Two days before this past Thanksgiving of 2008, my only birth child died of an overdose. It has to be the worse thing that a parent goes through, to out live their child. I was numb, and for the first time in years I could not pray. I went from Wed. to Sat. without even taking a bath or brushing my teeth, I could not do even simple mundane things; and I did not even realize that I was not doing them. I would not talk to anyone who called; not family, not friends, not even to my Pastor. I just couldn't, for that is the way I am. But, thank God, that did not stop my Pastor and his' wife from coming over and having prayer with me. When I hurt, I want to be by myself. When Sat. night came, I started my routine of getting ready for church Sunday morning; I guess God decided that I needed to be there with people who loved me and cared for me and who would cry with me. God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

For the sake of the four daughters that God gave me, I had to rouse myself out of it and keep going. Christmas was coming and I had to prepare for it; I was even in the play at church. I made it through, but my heart was not in it.

Then one day, out of the blue, it hit me. My Father Does Know Best. If He had not sent those two little girls back to me, I would still be in shock sitting in a corner somewhere. For the two older ones could take care of themselves; but the two little ones needed me too much to just give up. I told this one night in church, when the Pastor asked us what were we thankful for. Through the hurt and tears I was able to thank God for sending me two little girls that I didn't know I wanted. But He knew I needed, for He knew (as He knows all things) that my oldest daughter was going to die and even though they could never take her place, they ease the pain some and keep me going.

Most of the time the girls are such a joy and blessing. But, the two younger ones children came from a home where they had seen and heard things that an adult, let alone a child, should never have to see or hear.

It has not been easy and many times I wonder if I made the right decision, then I realize ... I didn't make the decision ... God did. That is why I never have, and never will question my Father; after all ... He knows best.
(May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Acts 15:13)

That is what it is all about ... TRUST ... to trust God to handle things, for He already knows the outcome. Since the death of my daughter, I have learned to let go more and leave it in God's hands. Amen and amen

Pat Finn finn@mebtel.net