Conquering Suicidal Feelings
Several years ago I was severely depressed and was totally burned out because
I was trying so much to love others and I was not receiving much love in return,
so instead I was being let down badly. At that time I did not understand that
you have to love others as yourself with Jesus Christ's love, but rather I was
trying to love others with my love which is impossible.
It is only when we pray to Jesus to fill us with His love that we can be His
true Disciples, and go out into the world with His abundant love.
I felt considerably let down by a friend, who had previously helped me while I
was bereaved. I therefore relied on him completely, and trusted in him. When he
treated me in a dreadful manner I just felt so upset that it destroyed my trust
in people. I wanted to die because I believed that real friendship did not exist
on earth. I got into a severe depression and I could not cope with it anymore.
During the night I woke up and felt that I did not want to carry on living, and
I was on the verge of ending my life when my eyes caught sight of the picture of
Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. That picture stopped me in my tract, and I
poured out my heart to Jesus.
I told Him how I felt hurt and let down, and that I felt as if my life was
useless, and I saw no point in it. I thought of Jesus in the Garden of
Gethsemane and how much He had suffered for me, and that he never gave up for
love of me and the whole world, and I felt that I could not give up for love of
Jesus. I offered Jesus all my suffering because Jesus suffered more than anyone
else. He knew all the sins we would commit and how some of us would be sorry,
but He also knew that some of us would not believe in Him. He also knew how much
He would suffer, yet He still went ahead to be crucified for love of us. Jesus
desperately wanted company as He was suffering so much, and when He looked for
His Disciples, they were fast asleep and could not even share that hour with
Him. The next day when I woke up all my depression had gone, and I made Jesus
the centre of my life and lived for Him, and did everything out of love for
Jesus.
Jesus understood what it felt like to be betrayed by friends. When He was
arrested, His disciples were so scared that they all ran away, and He was not
only betrayed by Judas but Jesus understands how it feels like to be betrayed by
a friend. Even Peter denied Him three times. Imagine how Jesus must have felt
about that too! The Lord Jesus' love is greater than any kind of suffering
because whenever we suffer Jesus experiences our distress too, and if we
surrender ourselves to Jesus, He will heal us, and help us conquer that pain. We
just have to ask for Jesus' help and trust in Him. Jesus is our Savior and best
friend who holds us by the hand, and He is always by our side every moment of
the day. All our suffering melts in Christ's love. If only more people would
understand how much Jesus loves us with unconditional love.
When you are down, focus on the Lord's love, and it will transform your life.
Shut your eyes and imagine Jesus calling you by your name and telling you "I
love you." Remember that you are precious to Jesus, and may the Lord's love
enfold you and fill the whole of your being. If you ever feel suicidal, call on
Jesus to help you, and He will come to your rescue. Surrender yourself totally
to Jesus and place the way you feel in His control. Do not feel bad about your
feelings because Jesus does not condemn you, but He understands your pain. It is
only when we admit our true feelings and hand them over to Jesus that He can
help us.
Marie-Hélène Bradshaw dominic.bradshaw@orange.fr
Marie-Hélène's full pamphlet "Help me Jesus and Heal My Hurts" is available for free at http://answers2prayer.org/insights/help/index.html