Conquering Suicidal Feelings


Several years ago I was severely depressed and was totally burned out because I was trying so much to love others and I was not receiving much love in return, so instead I was being let down badly. At that time I did not understand that you have to love others as yourself with Jesus Christ's love, but rather I was trying to love others with my love which is impossible.

It is only when we pray to Jesus to fill us with His love that we can be His true Disciples, and go out into the world with His abundant love.

I felt considerably let down by a friend, who had previously helped me while I was bereaved. I therefore relied on him completely, and trusted in him. When he treated me in a dreadful manner I just felt so upset that it destroyed my trust in people. I wanted to die because I believed that real friendship did not exist on earth. I got into a severe depression and I could not cope with it anymore. During the night I woke up and felt that I did not want to carry on living, and I was on the verge of ending my life when my eyes caught sight of the picture of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. That picture stopped me in my tract, and I poured out my heart to Jesus.

I told Him how I felt hurt and let down, and that I felt as if my life was useless, and I saw no point in it. I thought of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and how much He had suffered for me, and that he never gave up for love of me and the whole world, and I felt that I could not give up for love of Jesus. I offered Jesus all my suffering because Jesus suffered more than anyone else. He knew all the sins we would commit and how some of us would be sorry, but He also knew that some of us would not believe in Him. He also knew how much He would suffer, yet He still went ahead to be crucified for love of us. Jesus desperately wanted company as He was suffering so much, and when He looked for His Disciples, they were fast asleep and could not even share that hour with Him. The next day when I woke up all my depression had gone, and I made Jesus the centre of my life and lived for Him, and did everything out of love for Jesus.

Jesus understood what it felt like to be betrayed by friends. When He was arrested, His disciples were so scared that they all ran away, and He was not only betrayed by Judas but Jesus understands how it feels like to be betrayed by a friend. Even Peter denied Him three times. Imagine how Jesus must have felt about that too! The Lord Jesus' love is greater than any kind of suffering because whenever we suffer Jesus experiences our distress too, and if we surrender ourselves to Jesus, He will heal us, and help us conquer that pain. We just have to ask for Jesus' help and trust in Him. Jesus is our Savior and best friend who holds us by the hand, and He is always by our side every moment of the day. All our suffering melts in Christ's love. If only more people would understand how much Jesus loves us with unconditional love.

When you are down, focus on the Lord's love, and it will transform your life. Shut your eyes and imagine Jesus calling you by your name and telling you "I love you." Remember that you are precious to Jesus, and may the Lord's love enfold you and fill the whole of your being. If you ever feel suicidal, call on Jesus to help you, and He will come to your rescue. Surrender yourself totally to Jesus and place the way you feel in His control. Do not feel bad about your feelings because Jesus does not condemn you, but He understands your pain. It is only when we admit our true feelings and hand them over to Jesus that He can help us.

Marie-Hélène Bradshaw

Marie-Hélène's full pamphlet "Help me Jesus and Heal My Hurts" is available for free at

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