A certain young man was a major behavior problem both in school and at home. He
was disruptive, disrespectful, and disobedient. His fifth-grade teacher,
principal, counselor, et al. Repeatedly suggested that the young man had
attention deficit disorder (ADD). They reassured the parents that ADD is genetic
- therefore, his behavior wasn't their fault. They said he needed medication to
help him control his impulses. The parents resisted this well-intentioned
recommendation for months.
"Finally," the mother told me, "we reached the limit of our tolerance for his
shenanigans. He came home from school one day to discover a padlock on the door
to his bedroom, which houses his television, computer, video-game unit, sports
equipment, models, and so on. We told him he'd be allowed in his room for 15
minutes in the morning to dress for school and for 15 minutes in the evening to
get ready for bed, which was going to be 7:30 every night, seven nights a week.
He was going to sleep on the sofa in the living room."
The boy was stunned, to say the least. When he threatened to report his parents
for child abuse, they reminded him that he would be properly fed, properly
protected from the elements, and would sleep in a bed that was much safer than
his own. After all, he could only roll out of one side of it!
"But please!" His parents said. 'Tell whomever you like how abused you are."
This austere state of affairs would last a minimum of six weeks, they told him.
During this time, he would not be allowed to participate in any after-school
activity, have friends over, use the phone, watch television, or go anywhere
except to accompany his parents. Furthermore, every single incident of
misbehavior at school or home would add a week to his "exile," and no amount of
good behavior would shorten it.
"It was amazing," his mother continued. "His teacher called us several days
later to tell us he'd become a completely different child. She'd never seen so
much improvement so quickly. He became a model child at home as well - polite,
cooperative, talkative, a general pleasure to be around."
Six weeks later, the padlock was removed from his door with assurances that it
would be re-attached at the first hint of relapse. It's been almost a year, and
the youngster has yet to fall off the wagon.
By John Rosemond, a family psychologist who is director of the Center for
Affirmative Parenting, Gastonia, North Carolina. For information on his
parenting newsletter, call (800) 525-2778. His web site is
http://www.rosemond.com
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