"Then you will say in your heart, 'Who has begotten
these for me, Since I have lost my children and am desolate, A captive, and
wandering to and fro? And who has brought these up? There I was, left alone; But
these, where were they?'" (Is 49:21 NKJV)
Despite my best efforts to "keep my chin up", I
couldn't stop the tiny tear from working its way down my cheek. And even less,
the feeling of despair that had pitted itself in my chest.
What was causing this sense of utter despondency and
discouragement? Just this: like any other human being, I desire meaning in my
life. And like any true child of God, I love the Lord so much that I want to
follow His command to spread the gospel message. I want my efforts for the Lord
to positively impact the world around me. I couldn't see it happening.
Six months ago I didn't feel this way. What went
wrong?
For the past several years, I have been privileged, as
moderator of this newsletter, to watch it grow in leaps and bounds. Wow. And
without advertisement of any kind, is that God, or what? True enough, there have
always been many unsubscriptions, but all told, there are in general about three
times as many subscriptions as unsubscriptions.
But then, about four weeks ago, the unsubscriptions
began pouring in, in batches of 10 and 20 at a time. What was wrong? Was it
something published in The Nugget? Was I not being open to God's leading? Was it
simply an attack from the devil?
But if it was simply an attack from the devil, why
wasn't God protecting it? No, it couldn't be. It had to be something I was (or
wasn't) doing...
The flow of unsubscriptions eventually slowed, and the
subscriptions began to come in again, but for every two subscriptions, there
were at least three unsubscriptions. I didn't understand, and I tried to open my
heart even more to the workings of God's Spirit.
Gradually the subscription/unsubscription rate became
equal, and then the subscriptions slowly began to gain ground. At least the
subscriber list was moving in the upward direction, and for that I was thankful.
But then, yesterday, I again received twice as many
unsubscriptions as subscriptions. Hence the feeling of discouragement that had
lodged itself in the pit of my stomach.
Now I know what all of you are thinking out there:
"What? You mean The Nugget subscribers are nothing more than mere numbers?"
Let me assure you that this is not the case. We care
about each of your needs, and we pray for you all. However, being a human who
wants validation that something she is doing is having a positive impact on the
world, the numbers act as a way to gauge that impact. And in a moment of
weakness, I couldn't help thinking, "God, I am being so inadequate as moderate
of this newsletter! Perhaps You need to find someone else to be in charge!"
I believe that anyone in ministry understands what I
was going through, and that's when God placed the words of Isaiah 49:21 on my
heart: "Then you will say in your heart, 'Who has begotten these for me, Since I
have lost my children and am desolate, A captive, and wandering to and fro? And
who has brought these up? There I was, left alone; But these, where were they'"
You see, from a human perspective, we are so easily
discouraged. We don't see the "big picture". We only see the tiny portion that
is in front of our face, and when that picture isn't pretty, we become
dishearted.
But God doesn't ask us to worry about the fruit of our
labours, does He? In the parable of the sower (See Matt 13:4-9), He simply tells
us to sow seed. True enough, some seed will fall on hearts hardened by the
world. It will be unable to sprout, and wild creatures will come and eat it.
Other see will fall in shallow hearts, hearts that will grasp the message for a
moment, but when distractions come, will let it fall. Still other seeds will
fall amongst the deceptions of the world and it will be squelched before it can
truly take root. But God doesn't tell us to keep the seed just for the "good
soil". He simply tells us to sow seed! The growth of the seed is God's problem,
not ours!
So should I worry about the rash of unsubscriptions?
Not as long as I am open to God's leading in this
ministry.
And whatever it is that you are doing for the Lord, if
it doesn't appear to be growing fruit, don't be discouraged. You never know when
something you've said or done will influence someone, sometimes years later, for
the Lord. And someday, every devote servant of the Lord will look out and say,
just as was prophesied by the Prophet Isaiah: "Who has begotten these for me,
Since I have lost my children and am desolate, A captive, and wandering to and
fro? And who has brought these up? There I was, left alone; But these, where
were they?" (Isaiah 49:21)
Lyn Chaffart
The Illustrator: This daily newsletter is dedicated to encouraging
everyone to look towards Jesus as the source of all the solutions to our
problems. It contains a daily inspirational story, a Bible verse and encouraging
messages. HTML and plain text versions available.
The Nugget: Published three times a week, this newsletter features inspirational devotionals and mini-sermons dedicated to drawing mankind closer to each other and to Christ.