Wonderfully Made
I was supposed to be nothing. That was the plan. At nine
years old, my father screamed into my face: "YOU ARE NOTHING
BUT A FAILURE! YOU WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING! YOU'LL NEVER BE
ANYTHING BUT A NOTHING, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!!!" And I
believed him. I forgot that I was created by a Great Loving
God, Who "knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm
139:13
Not wanting to disappoint my father, I worked hard at being
a "nothing." I stopped studying for my classes, in school. I
stopped dreaming the dreams that often shape our future, and
I barely scraped by.
By the time I was in seventh grade, I overheard my parents
talking about how wonderful life would be for them, if I had
never been born, because, being the youngest, I would be out
of the way, and they could follow their dreams. I believed
them, and I forgot that even should my mother, who nursed
me, forget about me, God, "will never forget [me,] for [He]
has carved [me] in the palm of [His] hand." Isaiah 49:15-16a
By the time I was fifteen, my final, ninth grade report card
read, "She has incredible 'general knowledge,' but no
specific knowledge. She'll never become anything, continuing
on this course." I believed my teacher, and I continued on
my "worthless" course, reading and studying on my own,
everything from history through science, and I began to have
much "general knowledge."
I read the Bible, a forbidden book, according to the
religion of my childhood, and I began to know the God of the
Bible, and His great love for me. Yet, still, I believed I
was a failure, even weird. Somewhere, in the midst of that,
I began to write and write and write, and I found that with
no one to talk to, I began to talk to God. I did not
understand, yet, that "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139:14
Years came and went, and darkness was all around me, but
there, in the darkness, I found the light of God's presence.
Always there. Always comforting. Unknowing, as I was, God
was always with me. I discovered the truth about the
presence of God in Psalm 139:7-12,
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your
presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I
make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the
wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will
hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me, even the darkness will
not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for
darkness is as light to you.'"
I discovered that even if I did not know God, He knew me.
There was much darkness in my life. I had no one to believe
in me, but somehow, by the grace of God, I knew that God
believed in me. I stumbled through many a "valley of the
shadow of death," ( Psalm 23) and I discovered that I could
not run from God. He was always with me. I discovered that
in being hurt, I could seek to heal others. In being lonely,
I could reach out and erase another's loneliness. In
believing myself to be a failure, I could encourage others
to succeed. I could be a woman of honor. A woman of truth. I
could change my course. And when I wrote, as I did from an
early age, I could write about hope.
I wish I had known God from the beginning. I wish that
instead of a "religious" home, I had grown up in a Godly
one. I wish that in my teens there had been a Michael and
Kristi Powers to influence my life, and change my course.
However, even though I remember, painfully, my lonely
teenage years, I can testify, that my present happiness and
fulfillment came from no one, except God.
For, you see, it is God who brought me into the pleasant
pasture of my middle years. I can look to no one, but Him,
for the joys in my life…my wonderful husband, my beautiful
daughters, and my precious friends, like Michael and Kristi
Powers.
I am an award winning writer. I am completing my first book.
I don't expect it to be my last. A lot of people have lent a
hand in this process, but God, alone, brought me here. So
now, in my world that is so filled with His light, I still
look for those opportunities to be alone with God. And as I
look back, into my teens, I realize what a great gift it was
to spend those lonely nights and days with Him.
Finally, I have learned that the ugly words that others
speak about me, say more about them, than they say about me.
So do not listen to negativity. Your Heavenly Father
declares in His WORD, that you are "fearfully and
wonderfully made." Believe Him. You are wonderful. Totally
unique. And God expects great things from you. Expect them
from yourself.
Jaye Lewis
jlewis@smyth.net
Jaye Lewis is an award winning writer and born again
Christian. Jaye writes stories of hope and redemption, and
often the miraculous. Jaye lives with her family in the
beautiful mountains of southwestern Virginia. Jaye writes
every day on her first book, Entertaining Angels. This story
"Wonderfully Made" is just one of many that will be included
in Jaye's book. Jaye can be emailed at
jlewis@smyth.net