Find an Excuse to Love
"Some children just need more love." I don't know how
many times I heard Mrs. Tucker say that.
Mrs. Tucker was a 73-year-old woman who worked with me in an
after-school daycare program that paid me a much-needed
stipend while in graduate school. She rarely missed an
opportunity to show warmth and affection to a child.
That part time job was undoubtedly the most difficult
position of my life! I felt completely unprepared for the
work; I had no training and my temperament was such that it
seemed all I could do to simply not to "lose it" with the
kids. Exacerbating the problem was the fact that this after
school program was operated by a church board that believed
that NO CHILD should be turned away. I applauded the
sentiment, but soon discovered that children who HAD been
turned away by other facilities in the city, primarily
because of serious behavioral problems, found their way to
us.
I reminded myself that I was hired to watch the children,
play with them and lead arts and crafts -- not to fix them.
And my only help was Mrs. Tucker, a 73-year-old retired
social worker who ran the operation. All that stood between
the kids and disaster was me and a 73-year-old woman! And I
wasn't a sturdy defense! But Mrs. Tucker was.
"Some children just need more love," she would always say. A
case in point was Timmy. This young boy received special
help at school for emotional problems. He was
developmentally delayed, medicated enough to be able to
"hold it together" most of the time, and came to us with a
self esteem "lower than a snake's belly" (to borrow a
southern American expression from the hills near Timmy's
home). He often fought with the other children and was a
compulsive hair-puller.
I couldn't get close to Timmy -- he did not trust anyone.
Anyone, that is, except Mrs. Tucker. He genuinely loved her
and she loved him.
One day Timmy was screaming and fighting with one of the
kids. He had the boy on the ground and was pulling his hair
with both fists. I separated them and Mrs. Tucker directed
Timmy to sit down in a chair. He thought it was unfair that
he, and not the other child, should be punished for
fighting. He screamed, "I HATE YOU, Mrs. Tucker! You're a
mean, old lady! I hate you!"
"I know you hate me right now, Timmy," she said firmly, "but
I'm sure not going to let you pull the other children's
hair."
After a while, Timmy calmed down and Mrs. Tucker called him
over. His cheeks were still dirty and tear-streaked. I could
not hear their conversation, but I saw Timmy put his arms
around her neck. When I walked by I heard him say softly,
"I'm sorry I called you a mean old lady, Mrs. Tucker." I
knew he meant it.
A little later Mrs. Tucker said to me, "Timmy just needs
more love than the other children." And she was right.
The Bible says, "There is a time to love and a time to
hate." I've learned that our world will readily give us an
excuse to hate. We will always have a good reason to dislike
that difficult person, that political party, that religious
group.. But will you find an excuse to love? It changes the
world.
Most any excuse will do.
Steve Goodier
LifeSupport-subscribe@yahoogroups.com