Reaching for the Clouds
It started with a taco. She wanted us to bring her one,
and at 11:00am, I thought at some point during the day we'd
make it over with a taco and a good visit. Merrym is my
friend. I love her dearly, but I also admire her more than
any human being I know. She doesn't know this. She thinks I
just bring her smoothies and fast food because I m a kind
soul. What she doesn't know is that she lifts my spirit and
every moment with her brings new lessons in Life and a
friendship that is forever.
Merrym is my age, 39. I look at me and I think 39 is old. I
look at Merrym and I think it is so very young to be where
she is.
In her twenties, Merry contracted the flesh-eating bacteria.
It ate away most of the muscles in her right leg. The
medication she was given caused her to have a stroke. In one
fell swoop, a beautiful, spirited young woman with two small
children, lost her ability to walk, talk and use her limbs.
She endured hell on earth just to get to baby steps and a
modicum of functionality.
I met her long after all this. She was in a wheelchair, had
brown sparkling eyes and slurred speech that I could tell
frustrated her because she was so incredibly intelligent and
witty, but the stroke took away the ability to convey that
easily. It didn't stop her though. Over time I got to know
her and she stole my heart. In everything she attempted, she
was unstoppable. She was the most enthusiastic worshipper at
church, she was funny, determined and a little nutty. I
loved her.
It is now years after Merrym and I first met and several
months ago she had her leg amputated after infection set in.
I wasn't even there, I didn't even know. I had gotten so
caught up in my own life that I let our friendship fall by
the wayside. A couple of months after this happened, she
called and told me. I felt like the biggest jerk on earth
that I hadn't been there for her.
Our friendship has since grown closer and a few weeks ago I
got a call that stopped my heart. She was in the hospital
again, with another infection in what was left of her leg
and I heard something in her voice that I had never heard
before. Fear. It took a lot to scare that woman, so it
scared me right to my core.
Prayers were said far and wide. A lot of people love Merrym,
so the prayers were many and they were strong. Slowly Merrym
began to heal. That was the good news. The bad news was that
now she had to be moved to a nursing home until she was
strong enough to go home. The nursing home is icky and gross
and she is by far the youngest person there.
Determined not to let her down again, I visit often and we
laugh and thoroughly enjoy our time together. Today I called
and asked her what she wanted to eat (nursing home cuisine
is NOT taco Bell.) and she asked for a taco.
The day got away from us and one errand turned into several
and the hours slid by as the snow storm hit hard. Seeing
cars off the road in several places, I told my husband I
thought we should just go home and could see Merrym later .
Giving me a look that told me I was being a lousy friend, he
told me we were going and that was that.
With our arms filled with Taco Bell bags and drinks, my
family crowded into Merrym s small room and the look of joy
on her face as she sat in her wheelchair, waiting, made my
throat catch at the thought that I had almost let her down.
Again.
Yay! she greeted us with open arms, as usual. She is so
loving, so jubilant, it s always like walking into spring
time.
It was then that I remembered why she was waiting for us. It
wasn't for the taco, which she quickly set aside. I settled
down on the extra bed in her room and waited as she reached
down to turn on her CD player, next to her wheelchair. It
seemed that it too, was waiting for us to arrive.
I felt ashamed as I remember her telling me about the song
she was going to perform at her church in sign language.
Sign language for my Noah, who is deaf. She works on her
signing skills more than anyone who knows Noah and it is
simply because she loves him. She wanted to try her song out
for us and had been waiting all day to do this. Now I felt
like an even bigger jerk.
The music began, sweet, soothing and a stillness filled the
room. I felt goosebumps on my arms as the spirit of God's
peace settled over us like a soft blanket. Beautiful lyrics
sung by a Christian group played and Merrym raised her arms
and began to sign the song based on Psalm 36.
The mercy oh Lord is in the heavens; and Thy faithfulness
reaches unto the clouds. We put our trust under the shadow
of Your wings.
As I watched her sign the song, my eyes filled with tears.
It was truly beautiful. Merrym's fingers stiff and
unbending, she signed with all her heart and utter humility.
It was a song sent up to Heaven. I sat in silence, tears
pouring down my face and a peek at my husband told me he was
crying too. The children were mesmerized. It was a magical,
incredible, unforgettable moment.
I watched Noah, all of six years old, and already he
realized not many people in his world know his language.
Merrym is signing! he signed to me, his blue eyes wide.
I grinned at my golden boy and watched as my dear, sweet
friend leaned her head back and closed her eyes as she let
the music guide her signing. She looked exactly like an
angel. Every time her fingers tried to interlace for the
sign of prayer, I cried a little harder. It was so hard for
her to do. Her fingers don't bend much, from the stroke she
had, yet there she was, fiercely focused, signing her song
in a purely selfless gift.
I was sobbing by the time the song finished and leapt up to
wrap my arms around her. Our whole family circled her
wheelchair in hugs and tears. It was a precious moment that
I will forever hold in my heart.
Merrym teaches me so much. The scriptures written on the
little chalk board in her room help her keep her faith and
spirits up. She sets goals for herself on a continual basis
to keep herself from getting depressed. She struggles ten
times harder than I do in simple daily things and her joy in
life and in people is awesome. Her fight is always uphill.
It always will be. But her spirit is stronger, more valiant,
more faithful than anyone I know. She will always be
reaching for the clouds. And always under the shadow of His
wings.
Susan Farr Fahncke copyright 2004
editor@2theheart.com
I am the founder of 2TheHeart and recently put together our
brand new 2TheHeart book! I am also the founder of our
wonderful group of angels who send care packages, cards and
prayers to those in need, www.Angels2TheHeart.com . I teach
online writing workshops and continue to write in my spare
time, which is generally in the middle of the night. :)