An Authentic Apology
They must be the six most difficult words in the English
language. It's not the pronunciation that stumps us; it's
our egos. There isn't one of them you can't spell. And some
people certainly do better with them than others. Are you
ready for me to lay them out for you? To explore how well
you do with them?
Here are the six troublesome words: "I was wrong. I am
sorry."
Charles Utley of San Diego, California, underwent cancer
surgery about four years ago. In the days that followed, he
noticed a lump on his backside. He tried to ignore it and
kept waiting for it to go away. Within a couple of weeks, it
not only hadn't healed but was oozing fluid. So tests were
ordered.
A surgical sponge had been left in Utley's body! As reported
in The Wall Street Journal, his surgeon did a most unusual
thing. He accepted responsibility for the mistake, looked
Utley in the face, and apologized. As opposed to a routine
deny-and-defend strategy in such cases, the doctor told him
how sorry he was.
"No matter how this happened, I was the surgeon in charge,"
he said. "I was the captain of the ship. I was responsible.
And I apologize for this." Instead of getting an attorney
and suing, the 50-year-old victim chose to settle the matter
privately. "They honored me as a human being," he said.
The newspaper article pointed out that other doctors and
hospitals are finding out that "an authentically offered
apology" does wonders in heading off lawsuits. One attorney
who represents victims in medical malpractice cases was
quoted as saying his job is harder when physicians own up to
their mistakes. Some medical schools – including Vanderbilt
University School of Medicine in my home city of Nashville –
now have mandatory courses in communicating errors to
patients and families of patients and offering appropriate
apologies.
Patients can accept that doctors are fallible. What enrages
them and sends them to court is someone's denial of the
obvious.
I'm guessing the same thing would work in your business or
professional life. In your family. With friends who have
been offended and alienated. I know it is the key to
spiritual life, for the Bible teaches, "Confess your sins to
one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be
healed" (James 5:16).
Are you thinking it is too risky a strategy? Maybe so. But
honoring the intelligence, feelings, and dignity of another
person just seems intuitively right.
Keep those six words handy. They can make a difference that
matters.
Rubel Shelly whcoc@edge.net
Rubel Shelly has preached for the Woodmont Hills Church of Christ in Nashville since 1978. During that time, he has also taught at David Lipscomb University and Vanderbilt University School of Medicine. He is the author of more than 20 books, including several which have been translated into languages such as Korean, Japanese, Portuguese, Italian, French, and Russian. He is married to the former Myra Shappley, and they are the parents of three children: Mrs. David (Michelle) Arms, Tim, and Tom.