I Surrender All
A few drops of rain spatter onto the windshield. I idly
flip the windshield wipers to "intermittent" . . .
"It wasn't raining when I left home! Where is it coming
from, anyway?"
I squint at the trees sliding by to my left, then I reach
for my glasses and slip them on. That's better. Now I can
actually see the sparsely-spaced homes lining Bolton Rd.
"What am I doing here?"
I glance down at my dog. She had decided on a "dip" in the
pond just moments earlier, and she is now banished to the
car floor. Even though she looks at me with those sad, brown
eyes, begging me to let her up on the seat, I don't relent.
"Why can't I be sitting at home, relaxing, like I should
be?"
I shake my head grimly, trying to piece it all together.
Earlier in the day, I had helped my hospitalized mother buy
a load of appliances for her new home. They had told us we
would be called 12 hours in advance of the delivery, so when
the phone rang at 8:30 p.m. to say that the delivery truck
now stood in front of her condo waiting for me to come
unlock the door, I was more than a little annoyed!
"Why tonight?"
I slow to a crawl to cross the railroad. It doesn't seem to
matter how careful I am, this particular set of tracks
always sends me flying. As I glance down at the dog jouncing
on the floorboards, I know that tonight is no exception!
"Maybe I'll be back home by 9:00 . . ."
The rain is coming down harder now, and I switch the wipers
from intermittent to "Lo". A city counter is just ahead. You
know-those rubber lines the city stretches across roads to
determine how many cars pass that way? It's their way of
knowing where their road repair money will be used the most
wisely. If you ask me, you don't need a counter on Bolton
Rd! All you need to do is jostle down it once. You'll be
convinced!
"Don't I deserve a relaxing evening at home?"
I turn right onto the highway. At least the road is smoother
here. The rain has slowed again, and as I absently switch
the wipers back to "intermittent", the words to a song
resound through my mind: I Surrender All!
"I Surrender All? What does THAT mean???"
As I brake the car at the red light, I remember I haven't
yet flipped on my left turn signal. There is a Ford in front
of me, but it's too dark to read the model. Some kind of an
SUV. Probably an Explorer. Then I realize I haven't turned
on my headlights yet, either, but when I do so, it's too
late to read the model on the Ford. The light is green. The
car is already gone.
"Why is that SONG going around in my head???"
As I speed towards the tunnel-the tunnel under the canal
that serves to divide the rural part of my town from the
suburbans-my mind wanders back over the past few days. I am
in the midst of perhaps the biggest problem I have ever
faced. I've already made many bad choices. People have
already been hurt, and no matter what I do now, more hurt
will result.
"Why am I thinking about this NOW?"
The row of stoplights marks my entrance to town. I pass
through the first three, but at the fourth light, I put on
my left turning signal.
"I Surrender All . . ."
The hood of my car points between the 7-11 and the First
Interstate Bank. This is an older part of town. Just beyond
the two businesses, the sides of South Ave. are lined with
older homes. War time homes, or so I've been told. The
modern businesses seem a bit out of place on this corner!
"Why couldn't the appliances have been delivered on a
different day? Why didn't I receive a phone call earlier to
tell me they would be coming tonight? Why were they
delivering appliances at 8:45 p.m. anyway?"
When the cars coming from the other direction finally
subside, I make my turn. But my mind immediately reverts to
my problem, and I realized that throughout all of my bad
choices, I have heard God's gentle voice gently calling
me-to surrender! God wants me to let it go! God wants me to
give it to Him! Am I ready to do this? Can I trust Him to
handle a problem of this caliber? Isn't it too much, even
for God, to straighten out the mess I've created? Is it fair
for me to even ask this of Him?
"I Surrender All!"
I shake my head, trying to focus on something-anything! Like
the Mazda 626 ahead of me. I can't tell what color it is.
It's too dark. I pull up behind him at the next light, but
when it turns green, the Mazda speeds away, leaving me in a
shower of water droplets kicked up from the road. Annoyed, I
flip my wipers on again.
"How did I get myself into this mess anyway?"
The Mazda slows at the next light, Lindon St. Will he turn
right or go straight? I smile in amusement that I would even
care; nevertheless, as I flip on the right turn signal, I am
pleased that he goes straight. But my purposeful distraction
isn't working. I can still hear God's voice telling me I
have to put an end to the mess I've gotten into. I DON'T
want to hear this! It will get people into trouble. It will
get ME into trouble!
"I Surrender All . . ."
No. I won't. I can't!
I am on Lindon St. now. Just ahead and to my right is No
Frills. No Frills. I have to laugh. It's a grocery store
that is truly without "frills"! You even have to bring your
own boxes and bags! I shop there just the same. With the
price of groceries these days, who needs to pay for extra
frills?
"Why couldn't I have used this evening to relax-to think it
all over? To come up with a different solution-one that
won't get so many people into trouble?"
I bounce over another set of railroad tracks, musing as I do
that I've never seen a train pass this way.
"What am I doing here?"
I turn left onto Drifter, and make an immediate right onto
Firewood Street. My mom's condo complex is just ahead, to
the right. Sudden fear grips me. Will they still be waiting?
Or will they have taken off for their next delivery? It's
stupid, I know, but then so is the whole trip!
"Why???"
To my relief, a delivery truck is still parked in front of
my mom's place, and a refrigerator, a stove, and a
dishwasher line the driveway. As I pull up to the curb, I
can see the stacked washer/dryer set still in the back of
the truck. "I'm sorry!" I say to the two rather
impatient-looking men. "We had NO IDEA you would deliver
today!"
"Dan told us we HAD to deliver today!" was the unexpected
response.
"But-Dan said you would CALL before delivering!"
As the annoyed-looking men start to argue, and I realize
this will get us nowhere. "I'm sorry," I repeat. "Let me
unlock the door!"
They seem appeased, and without further argument, they
squeeze the 34" refrigerator through the front door.
I suddenly remember my dog. She has jumped out of the car
now, but her hair bristles on the nap of her neck as she
looks at the delivery truck. She hates trucks. When they
thunder down our road, she runs as far as she can in the
opposite direction. I can almost read her thoughts in her
stance: "This truck isn't moving! Can I trust it?" She
obviously decides that she can't, for she turns to run in
the other direction. It is definitely time for the leash!
"I Surrender All!"
The men have moved in the dishwasher and the stove now, and
are going back to the truck for the stacked washer/dryer
set. I stare at them as they bring it down the ramp and
begin to roll it into the condo.
"Why couldn't it have been tomorrow?"
But pondering the "why" isn't getting me any closer to
understanding it. Besides, the men have finished. The entire
ordeal is over! I can go home!
I follow the delivery truck back onto Lindon St. But instead
of continuing on, it now stops in front of a worn-down home
with crumbled concrete steps.
"Another delivery? At this hour?"
Before I can begin to feel sorry for the occupants of the
home, I remember the one tiny moment of surrender in my day.
We had been told that the delivery truck could arrive any
day of the week. Immediately I had been tempted to worry.
What if they wanted to deliver on a Wednesday? Or a Tuesday?
Or, horror of horrors, a Monday? I am scheduled to work
those days. There wouldn't be time to sit at mom's condo and
wait for the delivery truck! But at that moment, I had also
heard the song:
"I Surrender All."
On the spot, I had surrendered the delivery date problem to
Jesus. And now it is resolved. They won't be coming on a
Tuesday or a Wednesday, and no, not even on a Monday! They
have already come. I surrendered it to Jesus. He was true to
His Word!
As I turn down Glidden St. to cut back over to the tunnel, I
suddenly know why the delivery was tonight. God wants me to
know I can trust Him, no matter what. My only job is to
surrender to His will!
"I Surrender All!"
As I speed back under the canal, I know what I have to do. I
have to surrender the OTHER problem to Him as well. All of
it. I have to put an end to the mess, and I have to let HIM
worry about the consequences.
"I Surrender All!"
For the first time in days, peace floods my heart. Jesus can
and will carry my problem. I don't need to. I simply have to
surrender it to Him!
Do YOU have anything YOU need to surrender? Do it now, my
friends!
Lyn Chaffart