The Blame of the Breakup
I was ministering on the subject of offenses at a church
in Tampa, Florida. Afterward a woman came to me. She said
she had forgiven her ex-husband for all he'd done. But as
she listened to me talk about releasing offenses, she
realized she still did not have peace inside and was very
uncomfortable.
"You still have not forgiven him," I told her gently.
"Yes, I have;" she said. "I have cried tears of
forgiveness."
"You may have cried, but you still have not released him."
She insisted that I was wrong and that she had forgiven him.
"I don't want anything from him. I have released him."
"Tell me what he did to you," I asked.
"My husband and I pastored a church. He left me and our
three boys and ran away with a prominent woman in the
church." Tears formed in her eyes. "He said he'd missed God
by marrying me because it was God's perfect will for him to
marry the woman he ran away with. He told me she was an
asset to his ministry because she was much more supportive.
He said I was a hindrance. He said I was critical. He put
all the blame of the marriage breakup on me. He has never
come back and admitted that any of it was his fault."
This man was obviously deceived and had greatly wronged his
wife and family. She had suffered much from his actions and
was waiting for him to pay back a debt. The debt was not
alimony or child support, for her new husband was providing
all this for her. The debt she wanted him to pay was to
admit that he had been wrong, and she had been right.
"You won't forgive him until he comes to you and says that
he was wrong, that it was his fault, not yours, and then
asks for your forgiveness. This is the unfulfilled payment
that has kept you bound," I pointed out to her.
If Jesus had waited for us to come to Him and apologize,
saying, "We were wrong. You were right. Forgive us," He
would not have forgiven us from the cross. As He hung on the
cross, He cried out, "Father, forgive them, for they do not
know what they do" (Luke 23:34). He forgave us before we
came to Him confessing our offense against Him. We are
admonished by the words of the apostle Paul: "Even as Christ
forgave you, so you also must do" (Col. 3:13). And "be kind
to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even
as God in Christ forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).
When I told this woman, "You won't forgive him until he
says, `I was wrong-you were right,"' tears streamed down her
face. What she wanted seemed small in comparison to all the
pain he had brought to her and her children. But she was in
bondage to human justice. She had set herself up as a judge,
claiming her right to the debt and waiting for payment. This
offense had hindered her relationship with her new husband.
It had also affected her relationship with all male
authorities because her former husband had been her pastor
as well.
Bevere, John. The Bait of Satan. Lake Mary, Florida,
Charisma House, 1997, p. 145-147.
www.charismahouse.com