Faith Lift
Easter was coming, and though it should be a time of
rejoicing, my heart was heavy.
I was about to become an official member of the church I had
been going to for some time, but it bothered me that my
husband did not share my spiritual beliefs. As a man of
science, he is not comfortable with religion, and sometimes
our discussions of God's creation versus the "big bang
theory" made me feel that we were not on the same
wavelength.
It must be true that opposites attract. While my husband is
outgoing and loves to socialize, I am introverted and prefer
solitude. We have different interests, and yet we have
enjoyed a solid, happy marriage for over twenty-five years.
For the most part, we respect each other's opinions, other
than my wishing that we were more attuned to each other
spiritually.
Beyond the picture window, the promise of spring hovered
close. My gaze shifted to some houseplants near the front
window, and I wondered if my Christmas cactus would ever
bloom again. For years it had bloomed faithfully every
Christmas, then again at Easter. Two years ago, I
transplanted the cactus and it did not take kindly to its
new environment. No blooms appeared that year. While it
didn't thrive, neither did it die. It just existed.
The following year it was the same thing, so again I
transplanted it, separating the roots, changing the soil,
and hoping its new potted home would produce blossoms. This
time the cactus seemed to perk up, and new growth appeared
for the first time in two years. Christmas arrived, and I
was delighted to see buds, but to my disappointment, they
all fell off before they could burst into their dazzling
orange-red splendour.
I felt like that cactus, safe in a non-threatening
environment until it was time to grow, except then the
growth didn't happen. I hoped we would both bloom when the
time was right.
A few days later, I went alone to the candlelight Easter
Vigil service. I chose not to tell my husband that I was
becoming a church member, as I did not think I could bear
his ambivalence. We shared everything else in our lives; why
could we not share the same beliefs?
The church was decorated with yellow mums and white lilies.
I should get a lily, I thought. Maybe I would have better
luck with a lily than the Christmas cactus. I smiled when I
saw my name in the church bulletin, welcoming me as a new
member, and it inspired me to pray. Lord, lift this shadow
from my soul. Show me something to strengthen my faith and
make me more understanding of others' opinions.
After an inspirational service, I returned home, feeling
both uplifted and downcast at the same time. Such
conflicting emotions were giving me a headache. I spied a
brown rabbit lying quietly on the lawn, observing me closely
as I walked along the sidewalk. Something inside me shifted
away from the gloom and doom, and I laughed to myself,
thinking, "The Easter Bunny has come!" Was this the sign?
Inside the house, my mood brightened when I saw my Christmas
cactus in bloom, its brightness almost illuminating the
evening dusk. Maybe this was the sign.
When the family came for dinner on Easter Sunday, my niece
brought me an elegant white lily, just what I had longed
for. Was this the sign?
Around the table, four generations of family with different
likes and dislikes were chattering and laughing, enjoying
each other's company. The ache in my heart lightened and I
realized just how blessed I was. I looked up from my
reverie, caught my husband's eye, and our eyes locked. He
wore such a look of love that I almost blushed at the
intimacy of it. He winked. Reassurance flooded through me as
we gazed at each other, unable to tear our eyes away and
break the connection. Differing opinions or not, he is still
the man I share my life with for better or for worse, even
if he doesn't share my pew.
It came to me that I didn't really need fortifying signs of
affirmation, but the Easter Bunny, Christmas cactus, and the
lily had appeared to give my faith a lift.
Maria Harden copyright 2004
mharden@mts.net
Maria is a writer at heart who lives and worships in
Winnipeg, Manitoba. Check out her other stories in the
2theHeart archives. She is published regularly in a Canadian
magazine called "Our Canada," as well as in websites,
newspapers, and also the new 2theHeart book.