As I progressed in my Biblical knowledge, I began to feel increasingly anxious
and confused. Many of the stereotypical arguments I had against organized
religion, Jesus also had against Judaism. How could I agree with Jesus? In my
earlier study on Christianity, I concluded that Jesus was likely an eccentric
man who became a legend or folk hero. However, my latest research was revealing
a much more complex figure. Jesus seemed to embody the character traits that I
had observed in people like Harry Whitehead.
The more I read about Jesus, the more I liked His style. In fact, I read about
Jesus so often that I started to spontaneously quote Him during business
meetings, when it was applicable to the discussion, then felt awkward as
co-workers paused with surprise. Everyone at work and in our neighborhood knew
that I was undecided about my religious beliefs. I would tell them I was a
"student of religion" when they asked directly.
Exhilarated by the amount of Biblical data I had amassed and the intriguing
character of Jesus which was emerging, I eagerly studied as if I was deciphering
the code to an unknown puzzle. The closer I came to breaking the code, however,
the more difficult my life became. When I focused on making money, life was
grand, but as I focused on learning about God, I felt like I was being punished.
Initially I felt punished through nightmares, which progressed into disturbing
real-life events. My relationships at work began to strain for no apparent
reason, my personal finances began to spiral out of control, and then the
company I worked for suddenly ran out of money and eliminated my position. One
bad event after another seemed to occur. Friendly relations with our neighbors
began to sour. Unexplained rumors of infidelity on my part were surfacing.
Everything I worked for was under attack! My marriage, my career, and my
finances were suddenly falling apart.
Rather than give up on my Biblical studies, the unfolding tragedy made the
messages even more relevant. I was finally experiencing spiritual manifestations
in my life, which prompted further inquiry. Why would bad things happen in my
life as a result of my learning about the Bible and Jesus? Who or what would
want to keep me from this information? Could the Bible really be true? Is Jesus
the source of good character? Could the battle between Satan and God be real?
Whose side of the battle am I on?
The increasing magnitude of my questions began to haunt me, as the intensity of
my situation increased day by day. The more I suffered, the more the Bible came
alive. What were once confusing and cryptic passages became revealed
understanding. My well-reasoned arguments against the existence of God suddenly
seemed like a foolish deception. Was I still undecided?
The battle for my soul was in full force before my thirty-third birthday. During
my final days as an undecided student of religion, I was tormented by voices in
my head, threatening and bullying me into giving up. I could no longer explain
away my circumstances as merely bad luck. What I once considered to be pure
religious fantasy had manifested itself in my life. This was no longer the
theoretical concept of a spirit world that I had discussed in academic circles.
It was real and tangible. I began to realize that I was a prisoner of darkness
and in bondage by my own philosophy. Not only did my own circumstances become
clear, I also realized that I was a disciple of deception without even knowing
it. Remaining undecided about God made me a perfect weapon of Satan's to cause
confusion among those weak in their faith. I spun a web of deception and planted
seeds of doubt in the unsuspecting. Evil gained many footholds because of my
efforts, but the game of lies had come to an end, just as my life began to
crumble. It is a very frightening feeling to be disoriented when visiting a new
city, or when attending a new school, but when your entire concept of human
existence is found to be wrong, the resulting disorientation can be
overwhelming.
The world we think we know as Atheists, we do not really know at all. The
control over our lives that we think we have as Atheists, we do not really have.
In fact, most of the world's theories and concepts are meaningless without using
spirituality as the basis. As a Christian, I know this to be true. Yet, as a
former Atheist, my understanding of the universe was based on amassing a large
array of leading philosophical and scientific theories into a single theorem
which explained nearly every conceivable question, but not all.
My theorem could not answer why Harry Whitehead whistled as he passed out slices
of his marvelous sweet potato pie, or why happiness cannot be achieved through
career accomplishment or material possession. Just as my mind was nearing the
end of three decades of computing, trying to lock onto the secret password of
life, God entered my life. Still an Atheist at the time, God provided two
dramatic visions over a two-day period that made it clear to me that my analysis
had come to an end and that He expected a decision. Was I a follower of Jesus,
or a disciple of deceit? The impact of my second vision instilled a true sense
fear and understanding for the power of God. My analysis had ended and I did
make a decision to follow Jesus.
As the sun rose over the Wasatch mountain range in front of my home, I stepped
into the shower to prepare to go to church. It was now Sunday morning and I was
determined to get to one of the only Christian churches in Salt Lake City, to
ask God to come into my life and become baptized in water before the
congregation. I had only stepped foot into a church building a handful of times
over my lifetime, so getting baptized before an entire congregation of people I
had never met was not my idea of a good time. Yet, I could hear God whisper to
me that my time had come. In contrast, I could also hear the mocking slander of
Satan belittling me for my decision to accept Jesus.
At this moment the spirit world became real for me. My greatest enemy was behind
me as the Holy Sprit led me to the truth. Although this was the beginning of my
life as a Christian, the spiritual battle over my soul had just begun.
To see part 1 click here
Contributed by John R. Maculley, Jr.:
John@Maculley.com John is a new Christian, having converted from Atheism in
February 2005, one week before his 33rd birthday. He has spent his life studying
philosophy and searching for truth in cultures throughout the world. He is
currently working on his first book, entitled: "Searching for the Source", which
outlines the mental process an Atheist goes through when considering
spirituality.
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