The Lost Art of Conversation

Today’s society has lost a valuable asset and few seem to be aware of this great loss. Perhaps the art of conversation is not completely extinct for there are those scattered here and there who remember and actually practice the art of carrying on a conversation. Our youth have turned to electronic technology to communicate with one another. Watch a group of teenagers gathered in the same room and chances are you will observe more of them on their cell phones texting or calling when they could simply turn to the next person and talk face to face. Will the day come when none of us will remember how pleasant and rewarding a one on one verbal exchange can be? Please, let it not be so.

I find that in our busy, go- here –and- do –this, come- back- and -do –that- world, few of us take the time to include verbal conversations…chats, with even those closest to us. When was the last time you sat down, (or stood, for that matter,) and visited with a spouse, a child, parent, or sibling? Oh, I don’t mean the usual…”How was your day, honey?” to which the reply is usually, “Good, mostly, how was yours?” which gets the same response, “Good. I guess. What’s for dinner?” and finally, “I already ate…meeting tonight. Make yourself a sandwich or heat up last night’s leftovers.” This type of exchange takes about three minutes, if that and then each one is off to continue his or her agenda.

This is the same conversation we have with our children and then we wonder why so many are turning to substance abuse, pre-marital sex, or worse. I believe there is a God given need for quality communication which each of us is born with. Another problem arises when we actually do, on rare occasions, decide to have an actual conversation. We are all talkers and no one wants to listen. The art of listening is practically non-existent.

For example: I was fairly excited about a certain topic and wanted to discuss it with someone I really knew well. We are both in our recliners ready for another evening of reading the paper, a little television then preparations for bed, our nightly routine after the evening meal. My friend kicks back his recliner and reaches for the remote control. I begin to tell him about the thing I’m so excited about. I can see after the first minute I have lost him. He’s still looking at me but he has tuned me out. Still, I continue, because of my need to relate this important topic…it is important to me, and I’ve waited all day to be able to tell him…but he listens and then sighs, giving me that, “Are you about finished yet?” look. Not once has he asked me a question, offered an opinion or given any form of response to what I’m telling him, not even a grunt or nod. I realize that as much as I want to talk to him, he just isn’t into anything I have to say. I am interrupting his routine and he doesn’t like it. Now, I ask you, what could have been more important for the next ten or fifteen minutes of his time than to make me feel important and validated? I asked him this question in a non-confrontational voice and he said, “You just turn a one minute dialog into a half hour monolog when you get started. You go off “chasing rabbits”…getting off the subject with this or that detail and it takes forever to get the story told. It’s frustrating to your listener.” Wow! I do believe that was the longest sentence he had spoken to me that didn’t involve golfing, fishing, hunting, or football!

“I know that you have more pressing things to get to (so, ok...a little sarcasm here) but what if you actually entered into the conversation with a comment, suggestion, or opinion? When you talk about your favorite subjects, (see list above)…I pretend to be interested even when I’m not. Sometimes by pretending to be interested I actually end up being exactly that. My questions may seem stupid to you but they keep you expounding on your subject and I feel important because we are actually having a conversation. Even when I am busy I listen to you and try to respond the best I can. I need that from you.”

Now, of course, I’ve attacked his ego by telling him that he lacks in any area and so I realize I’ve cut off my nose to spite my face. Even though my comments were more along the line of a plea for his attention…he has shut me out and there will be no conversation. Except the short conversation we just had about …conversation!

This scenario happens with everyone I attempt to converse with. My children are busy. My siblings are busy. Everyone is busy. So am I for that matter. Still, I yearn for a chance to just talk and know someone is listening. I have a sister who lets me do all the talking and nothing I do can elicit enough of a response to call it a conversation. I don't want to do all the talking. The reason I ask questions is so that you can tell me about yourself.

Thank goodness I have an intimate relationship with my LORD! I talk to him night and day. Others may see me and think I’m talking to myself. Not so. He cares even about the mundane things I choose to discuss with him. He isn’t ever too busy to listen. He lets me know when I am on the wrong track by gently guiding me back onto the right path. He even reminds me that the people I think are ignoring me are blessings He has given me though they lack in some areas…don’t we all?

A good conversation is a two sided discussion on any given topic. It involves listening, and responding verbally to one another. Is anyone listening?

Christine Smith iluvmyfamilyxxx000@yahoo.com