Out of habit, I felt for the light switch in our bathroom, I flipped it on, but…
the darkness remained. My body shook with terror. Holding on to the cold and
slick counter top. I looked toward the mirror and saw a dreary gray of nothing.
In desperation, I felt the urge to scratch through the glass into the darkness
to find even a slight glimpse of my reflection...instead, I found the ugliness
of my black world.
My blindness entered into my life with a vicious force ripping apart the dreams
my husband Gene and I had. Our focus was on raising our three small sons and
live the "happily ever after."
But the unavoidable effects of a retinal disease with no possible cure turned
our joy to bitterness and fear.
Motivated by desperation, I began a relentless search for a cure. My visits to
fortunetellers, psychics and New Age healers caused my bank account to diminish
and my frustration to increase.
My despair touched those around me. A friend called, "How are you doing!" She
asked, concerned about what she knew I was going through.
"Just fine," I lied. The truth was I was frustrated, hopeless, desperate, and
defeated. I was everything but fine.
She continued, "Well, I didn’t know how you felt but our church is having a
healing service, which I think you might like."
There was my answer--the miracle I longed for! I would be certain to be one of
those "lucky" people and be healed. I welcomed this invitation as a much-needed
intermission for the wrestling match of my emotions. But instead, this
experience hurled me into deeper anguish. The services proved worthless. No
healing. No miracle.
"Why, God?" I asked over and over again.,
While attending the services, My eyes poured out tears and my mind, irrational
thoughts. I wondered-- Chances are everyone present at these sessions was
burdened with some degree of personal problems, but I reasoned none could be as
bad as mine. I resented all those who attended. Unlike me, all were sighted and
were able to jump in their cars and carry on with their lives. They all could
see and thus were more than capable to resolve whatever their issues were. They
could see! But me, what chance did I have to move forward.
My heart became much like the metal folding chair I sat on, cold, hard, and
lifeless. But in a subtle and unexpected way, the first breath of life entered
my soul. It stopped the pounding of my heart. And with a mixture of power and
gentleness, this verse forced me to look up, "Seek first the Kingdom of god and
His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you…." (Matthew
6:33).
A quick sigh slipped from my lips. And momentarily unaware, my sobbing stopped.
What I heard entered my heart like a floodlight revealing every detail of the
source of my pain—I had been consumed with the desperate desire to see again.
This was my priority number one—nothing else mattered. But God instructed
otherwise—to seek Him first.
Seek Him first? But how!
The answer came in one word—decision. I had a choice: to continue to sink into
my sorrow or look up, open my heart and see what God would do. I chose the
latter, I accepted Jesus as my Savior, my Lord and my all. The promise I just
heard in this verse warmed my heart like a soft blanket removing the cold shiver
of desperation.
The miracle I hoped for finally became mine. I released with relief, surrendered
and let go the bitterness, pain and anguish. I saw the evidence of this renewed
outlook back home with my little ones. The proof of a transformed heart was
reflected in a renewed attitude toward my family, my husband and life itself.
I recall the time I anguished unable to see my reflection on the mirror. But now
with new eyes, I perceived a new image—a portrait painted with the splendor of
God’s love, the vibrant colors of His sustaining power, and framed with the
golden reassurance of His promises.
Jan Eckles jeckles@cfl.rr.com , featured in The New York Times, is a national
inspirational speaker, writer for regional and national Christian magazines. In
addition to being published in five books, she is the author of "Trials of
Today, Treasures for Tomorrow: Overcoming Adversities in Life."(Zulon Press,
2004). She serves as a Sunday school teacher in Orlando, FL where she lives with
her husband of 30 years. Though she has no physical sight, God graced her with
insight to serve as an illustration of inspiration and hope. Visit Jan at
http://www.janetperezeckles.com/
The Illustrator: This daily newsletter is dedicated to encouraging
everyone to look towards Jesus as the source of all the solutions to our
problems. It contains a daily inspirational story, a Bible verse and encouraging
messages. HTML and plain text versions available.
The Nugget: Published three times a week, this newsletter features inspirational devotionals and mini-sermons dedicated to drawing mankind closer to each other and to Christ.