“What are you doing?” The last thing I expected (or
wanted) to see was my little sister, lying sideways across the guest bed in our
house, calmly running her fingers through her “chemo hair” and dropping the
hands full of beautiful silky blonde hair into the wastebasket next to the bed.
My gorgeous twenty-eight year old sister was losing
her battle with brain cancer and accepted it with a grace and gratitude that at
times, blew me away. Like now.
Angel had always been very “into” her looks. I’m sure
it stemmed from losing her hair at the age of three from her first battle with
cancer. She beat that one, but when her hair came back, it was always very thin.
Her entire life, she had fretted about her hair, sensitive to its never being
quite as thick as she’d like. This past year it had grown to her shoulders and
was a shiny, silky blonde that framed her pretty face just right. Now her face
looked battle-ravaged – bruised from constantly losing her balance (a
side-affect of the brain tumor), swollen from the steroids that she needed to
help keep her brain from swelling. I never understood how the steroids could
differentiate between the swelling in her brain and the swelling in her face.
How did they diminish one and cause the other? Her hair was no longer framing
her lovely face, it was now simply falling out around her.
“What are you DOING?” I asked again. A little
half-smile lit her face.
“I’m thanking God.” Her words will forever stay with
me. My baby sis taught me every single day of her life since her brain cancer
diagnosis. She could see the blessing in every single situation, no matter how
desperately they frightened me.
I laughed at her upside-down pose, hanging off the
bed, pulling the rest of her hair out and dropping it like it was nothing more
than a disposable afterthought.
I didn’t know whether she was losing her marbles along
with her hair, or was serious about thanking God as she lost her crowing glory.
“What are you thanking Him for?” I was puzzled, but
knew there was a lesson here. I just had to wait for it.
“Because I have a chance to grow thick hair now!” She
seemed surprised at my stupidity. “I’ve always hated my hair and now it’s
falling out, I can grow new hair.”
Most women I know, including myself would be a LOT
more upset – hysterically crying, actually, at being faced with losing their
hair on top of everything else a cancer patient has to endure. For women, your
hair is a huge part of your identity. In fact, I personally have always been
known BY my hair. I’m a redhead and have spent my whole life being called “red”,
“carrot top”, “that redhead”… I don’t think I’d know who I am without my hair.
But here was my sister, with an almost Zen-like acceptance of this new phase in
her life, not only not hysterical, but feeling thankful! She always taught me
that no matter how bad things seemed, how heart-wrenching and gut-deep our pain
was, there was always something to be thankful for.
She has been gone six years now. It’s hard to believe
it’s been that long. In many ways, I feel like she was just with me yesterday.
Things she did or said, or taught me continually come back to me, often out of
the blue. Her spirit of gratitude and joy in life were beautiful gifts that
continue to bless me, even after all this time.
On days when I’m having a bad hair day, or feel cranky
because of something superficial, I find myself remembering her thanking God on
what could have been one of the lowest days of her life. Instead of going into a
tailspin and feeling lost without her locks, she simply found the hope that
comes with change and truly, from the deepest part of her heart, felt grateful
for it. Angel’s hair never did quite come in much, but the greatest changes
possible in a person’s life did flow forth and would never have done so without
her battle with cancer. She became a brilliant example of what God wants us to
become during our time on earth. She learned there is a rainbow within every
cloud and that there is always something to be thankful for.
On this day, a day when you might feel less than
grateful for life’s hardships and challenges, remember a beautiful twenty-eight
year old woman, her golden hair falling out, and thanking God for it. There is
always something to be thankful for.
Susan Farr-Fahncke copyright 2007
editor@2theheart.com
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