"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they
will become discouraged." (Col. 3:21 NIV);
"But let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day
approaching." (Heb 10:25 NIV)
Just after the service at church one Sunday morning, a lady leaned over our pew
and whispered, "I just wanted you to know how impressed I am at how close your
family is!"
I stared up in surprise.
"Yes," she continued. "I'm a retired teacher, and I can tell you, it's very rare
for a teenager to put his arm around his mother in public!"
My mind went back to the praise and worship service when my oldest son had put
his arm around my shoulder, and the memory made me smile. What the kind lady
didn't know, however, is that in my house this isn't rare. My husband and I have
always looked for ways to show our boys affection. As a result, they know their
parents are proud of them, they have a healthy self-esteem, and they are not
ashamed to show their own affection, even in public.
Showing affection may not seem like such a powerful thing, but it is. Little
gestures--a hug, a pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek--speak novels: "I love
you." And "I'm glad you are my child." Likewise words--spoken or written (a
card, a note, a poem)--all scream out the message: "I'm really proud of you!" Or
"I know you'll do well, and I'll be praying for you." A bunch of flowers, a
donut, a privilege, or other niceties all say: "I love you for who you are. We
may have our differences, but I accept those differences." The point is, it
isn't the method that matters, it's simply the fact that you EXPRESS that
affection!
Why is expressing our emotions and our affection important?
1. First of all, because as the adult in that child's life, he or she is looking
to YOU for acceptance. That child needs to know that you love them, no matter
what.
I don't know how many times I've heard kids say, "My mom doesn't care what I
do!" Or, "All my dad cares about is that I make the football team! I hate
football, but I can't let him down!" Many kids quit trying to make their parents
happy because they don't think anything they do is ever good enough. Others
think they have nothing in common with their parents. My own brother-in-law
started drinking so that he would have something in common with his father, so
that his father would accept him.
Let's face it folks, if your kids don't find the acceptance they crave from you,
they will seek it in other ways. They will turn to their friends. Or drugs. Or
alcohol. Or a myriad of other non-productive avenues. They need to know that YOU
love them for who they are!
2. Secondly, expressing your affection helps the children in your lives to build
self-esteem. When kids--or adults, for that matter!--feel they aren't accepted,
they begin to see themselves as sub-standard. This pushes them to seek
acceptance in other things--like success, winning, being popular--instead of
realizing that their differences are God-given and there's nothing wrong with
being different.
3. Finally, expressing your feelings also helps kids learn how to express their
own emotions: "And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to
watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to
love and helpful deeds and noble activities . . ." (Heb 10:24 AMP). When we show
affection, we are "stirring up" our kids to love, to do helpful deeds, to do
noble activities. Not only will this help improve communication in our society,
but it will help to build self-esteem and self-acceptance. It will go a long
ways towards building a new society!
Some of you may be saying right now, "My kid knows how I feel. I don't need to
say it!"
But do they? Does your boy know you're proud of him for making the football
team? Does your girl know you're proud of her for trying out for volleyball,
even though she didn't make it? Do they realize that you love them even though
they bring home a "D"? Yell at their little brother? Forget to do their
homework?
No. They don't. Especially not a teen, and especially not in the heat of the
moment. In fact, if you take the time and effort to find out, you would be
shocked at what you learn! Oh, they may say the right things, but their low
self-esteem or their search for acceptance say otherwise.
Friends, your kids DON'T know how you feel unless you tell them. Reach out
today. Show those kids you care. Give them that hug or a kiss. Clap them on the
back. Whisper in their ear that you are proud of them, that you accept them,
even if their interests aren't the same as yours. Tell them with a card. Tell
them with a note left on their dresser. Take them out for ice cream. However you
decide to do it, just tell them! When you do, you will be creating an entire new
generation of adults who will accept themselves for who they are!
Now, I recognize that some of you may not know how to express your emotions, and
the idea of telling the kids in your life how you feel about them makes you very
uncomfortable. If this describes you, then ask God to show you how to show
affection in a way your kids will understand, and then ask Him to give you the
courage and strength to do it.
God bless each of you abundantly as you seek to guide the kids in your life in
the ways of the Lord!
Lyn Chaffart
The Illustrator: This daily newsletter is dedicated to encouraging
everyone to look towards Jesus as the source of all the solutions to our
problems. It contains a daily inspirational story, a Bible verse and encouraging
messages. HTML and plain text versions available.
The Nugget: Published three times a week, this newsletter features inspirational devotionals and mini-sermons dedicated to drawing mankind closer to each other and to Christ.