Ps 120:1 "I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me." NIV
I was in a relationship for 6
years and my x partner left me and started a new life with someone else. And I
was lost. The person didn’t even explain why he didn’t want me in his life and
just vanished. I suffered a lot ...
My world turned out to be grey. I had no more joy in my life, I had anger on my
heart, I hated him so much ( I actually didn’t.
I was hurt because he left me and
he was with someone else).
Thoughts of suicide came to my head, I felt I wasn’t worthy anymore. I was angry
at God.
Because I have been praying for my x partner a lot
during these
6 years, I did many
novenas
...
and
after all this, I said to myself,
God still
took him away from me?
I couldn’t pray and I had the same bad thoughts “Why
should I pray if God
knows already what’s going to happen?
I struggled a lot to get my faith back, I would
somehow start praying and something
would
just say "Why
should you waste your time?"
and this is a fact. I will literally say it loud and it still hurts me whenever
I think of that, of how I turned against my
Saviour
out of anger.
My wounds are still open of course because you do not
stop loving someone in one day or a month or a year when you really loved
someone, but little by little I realized that I shouldn’t give up and that I
should always remember to ask God
to make me accept the things that I can’t change and also to have the serenity
to change the things that I can and to have the wisdom to know the difference.
So I offered my small sufferings to Jesus who died for me on the cross.
I trusted in him and I knew
He
would
help me to pull through this.
Isn’t it a blessing to have God listening to us and
comforting us.
Yet yes so many times tears keep falling and
I asked
God why? It’s the devil that played with my head, but I see it in this way today:
God gave us free will and He
tries
to make things work out for us in all possible ways
He can
and sometimes when He
sees that we are being blind in a relationship and that the other one isn’t
doing any good for us, He
does give us signs which we ignore. So
He then
has
to do something so He
intervenes for our own good.
We don’t seem to see that at that particular moment
because we are so hurt. We
have our heart crying blood tears, our head constantly telling us we could have
done something better and we are the guilty ones.
We can’t see the truth, we just want that
person back. So
we doubt God.
We let the devil come to us and make us weaker than ever.
Didn’t Satan dare God
by saying
"I will make your own creations follow me"?
So we do give the power to Satan at that time. But it’s Ok to fall down and let
Jesus call our names.
He is the comforter and
He
understands our feelings and still doesn’t give up on us
and He sure
forgives
us ...
He
does it
all the
time.
Love is not supposed
to hurt.
Love is
beautiful and if the person who we love so much, doesn’t love us back,
we have to let him
go and we should keep praying to God to give us strength to regain control of
our life.
Two prayer warriors at Answers2Prayer
helped me a lot through my tough times and yes I do feel for that gentleman but
I
shouldn’t give up on Jesus
.
These prayer warriors
can tell you how many times
it played on me, how many times, I kept being tempted
... but
these prayer warriors
didn’t give up on me and I couldn’t give up on
Him
either.
I still have some pain on my heart of course but I try
to accept it
and tell God that I know
He is at
work for me.
And more signs keep coming to me.
I started praying the rosary of the Holy Virgin Mary and I find more websites to
understand about how God works.
And what touched me the most to actually fall on a
website how Virgin Mary suffers whenever we forget how Jesus took all the pain
and suffered in silence for us.
And we today we doubt him
the
Father
... how can we do that?
I suggest to many
who read
this
or even see the movie of ST Rita or Padre Pio
... it helped me a lot.
And I always say to myself if Satan didn’t get scared
to try to tempt our lord Jesus, who are we to Satan??? We who are so full of sin
and can be easily tempted.
Just remember that
... Keep
the faith!
When the sun shines, it shines for everyone and God suffers as much as we do
when we are in pain.
I had to share that because
one of these prayer warriors
did ask me to do it and I guess at that time, I wasn’t ready but now I am.
I believe that God loves me more than anything
and
actually prevents
me from being sad for the rest of my life.
Maybe I will stay single all my life, but I am sure
God has a good reason for it.
I have no right to ask why but to accept
His good
will.
Till the time we meet again in Heaven,
I will gladly keep carrying my cross for Jesus.
Whenever I collapse I just remember that
“The will of God will never take you where the grace
of God will not protect you:)"
“The problem with many of us is that we don't believe
that God will open a window and pour out blessings that we won't have room to
receive them. I dare anyone to try God. He is true to His word. God cannot lie
and His promises are sure.”
Thank you
to these two prayer warriors at
Answers2Prayer. They
were angels sent to me in a
moment of despair
... I
will
keep praying for you.
May God
protect you and may you be blessed always. Xxx
Pascaline
pascaline@circleadv.com
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