Struggling for Faith


Ps 120:1 "I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me." NIV

I was in a relationship for 6 years and my x partner left me and started a new life with someone else. And I was lost. The person didnít even explain why he didnít want me in his life and just vanished. I suffered a lot ... My world turned out to be grey. I had no more joy in my life, I had anger on my heart, I hated him so much ( I actually didnít. I was hurt because he left me and he was with someone else). Thoughts of suicide came to my head, I felt I wasnít worthy anymore. I was angry at God.

Because I have been praying for my x partner a lot during these 6 years, I did many novenas ... and after all this, I said to myself, God still took him away from me?

I couldnít pray and I had the same bad thoughts ďWhy should I pray if God knows already whatís going to happen?

I struggled a lot to get my faith back, I would somehow start praying and something would just say "Why should you waste your time?" and this is a fact. I will literally say it loud and it still hurts me whenever I think of that, of how I turned against my Saviour out of anger.

My wounds are still open of course because you do not stop loving someone in one day or a month or a year when you really loved someone, but little by little I realized that I shouldnít give up and that I should always remember to ask God to make me accept the things that I canít change and also to have the serenity to change the things that I can and to have the wisdom to know the difference. So I offered my small sufferings to Jesus who died for me on the cross.

I trusted in him and I knew He would help me to pull through this.

Isnít it a blessing to have God listening to us and comforting us.

Yet yes so many times tears keep falling and I asked God why? Itís the devil that played with my head, but I see it in this way today: God gave us free will and He tries to make things work out for us in all possible ways He can and sometimes when He sees that we are being blind in a relationship and that the other one isnít doing any good for us, He does give us signs which we ignore. So He then has to do something so He intervenes for our own good.

We donít seem to see that at that particular moment because we are so hurt. We have our heart crying blood tears, our head constantly telling us we could have done something better and we are the guilty ones. We canít see the truth, we just want that person back. So we doubt God. We let the devil come to us and make us weaker than ever.

Didnít Satan dare God by saying "I will make your own creations follow me"? So we do give the power to Satan at that time. But itís Ok to fall down and let Jesus call our names.

He is the comforter and He understands our feelings and still doesnít give up on us and He sure forgives us ... He does it all the time.

Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is beautiful and if the person who we love so much, doesnít love us back, we have to let him go and we should keep praying to God to give us strength to regain control of our life.

Two prayer warriors at Answers2Prayer helped me a lot through my tough times and yes I do feel for that gentleman but I shouldnít give up on Jesus .

These prayer warriors can tell you how many times it played on me, how many times, I kept being tempted ... but these prayer warriors didnít give up on me and I couldnít give up on Him either.

I still have some pain on my heart of course but I try to accept it and tell God that I know He is at work for me.

And more signs keep coming to me. I started praying the rosary of the Holy Virgin Mary and I find more websites to understand about how God works.

And what touched me the most to actually fall on a website how Virgin Mary suffers whenever we forget how Jesus took all the pain and suffered in silence for us.

And we today we doubt him the Father ... how can we do that?

I suggest to many who read this or even see the movie of ST Rita or Padre Pio ... it helped me a lot.

And I always say to myself if Satan didnít get scared to try to tempt our lord Jesus, who are we to Satan??? We who are so full of sin and can be easily tempted.

Just remember that ... Keep the faith! When the sun shines, it shines for everyone and God suffers as much as we do when we are in pain.

I had to share that because one of these prayer warriors did ask me to do it and I guess at that time, I wasnít ready but now I am.

I believe that God loves me more than anything and actually prevents me from being sad for the rest of my life.

Maybe I will stay single all my life, but I am sure God has a good reason for it.

I have no right to ask why but to accept His good will.

Till the time we meet again in Heaven, I will gladly keep carrying my cross for Jesus.

Whenever I collapse I just remember that

ďThe will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you:)"

ďThe problem with many of us is that we don't believe that God will open a window and pour out blessings that we won't have room to receive them. I dare anyone to try God. He is true to His word. God cannot lie and His promises are sure.Ē

Thank you to these two prayer warriors at Answers2Prayer. They were angels sent to me in a moment of despair ... I will keep praying for you.

May God protect you and may you be blessed always. Xxx

Pascaline [email protected]

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